Remembering The Time Rickie Weeks Swung And Missed During The Home Run Derby

rickie weeks home run derby swing and miss

by Tommy Gimler

Even crazier than that? You guessed it: Dude is still on a big league roster. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, that team is in last place. Go figure.

Giancarlo Stanton won last night’s Home Run Derby by putting on an epic display of power we haven’t seen the likes of since Brigham Young’s 52nd wedding night. In all, the Marlins slugger hit 61 home runs, 39 of which landed more than 440 feet away from home plate.

But every time Stanton jacked a ball of cowhide over one of the Petco Park walls, I couldn’t help but think about the time I saw pretty much the exact opposite happen. That’s right, kids. We’re talking about the time that epic Brewers turd Rickie Weeks stepped up to the plate during the 2011 Home Run Derby at Chase Field and…wait for it…swung and missed at a pitch:

Maybe try wearing two of the same shoes next time, son.

Think about how pig shit awful that is for a second. You get to pick your fucking pitcher for Christ’s sake, and it’s not like he’s throwing you sliders or knuckle-slurves or whatever the hell kids are throwing these days. He’s grooving a pitch somewhere in the neighborhood of 50-60 MPH right down the heart of the plate so you can smash one out toward the kid with Asperger’s in left. And if he misses the plate for some reason? No worries. You have plenty of time to determine that it’s a shit ball and hold your swing.

Well, unless your name is Rickie Weeks, of course.

In essence, Weeks swinging and missing at the 2011 Home Run Derby perfectly summed up his MLB career. Milwaukee sportswriters and broadcasters used to rave at how far Weeks could hit the ball in batting practice, yet when it came time to swing the bat for realz, he would shit the bed 98 percent of the time.

Hell, you could even say that he was the equivalent to punching your clown to the thought of plowing your wife’s sister over and over so many times that you become a pro at it. I mean, so much so that you could predict your orgasm down to the millisecond. And then when your wife passes out early at her family’s Arbor Day party and her sister rolls up her panties and shoves them into your jeans pocket, it’s flaccid city, baby.


Wait, there’s more: ‘The Big Fundamental’ Tim Duncan Retires

You have got to see this shit:

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