The Players Of Game 7 Of The NBA Finals And Their Game Of Thrones Counterparts


by Tommy Gimler

Since Game of Thrones and the NBA Finals – both wonderfully scripted shows at times – will be invading most of your living rooms tonight, we thought we’d have a little fun and match up some of Game 7′s players with their GoT counterparts.

Here’s how we see it:

Draymond Green is Ramsay Bolton.

Both Green and Bolton are on this planet for one reason and one reason only. Yup, you guessed it: It’s to mangle the cocks and balls of other men. Theon Greyjoy has been a massive pile of pig shit ever since Bolton turned him into Reek, but luckily for the peckers belonging to Steven Adams and LeBron James, the combination of Green’s Nikes and fists is far less destructive than Bolton’s array of blades…

Timofey Mozgov is The Mountain.

timofey mozgovthe mountain game of thrones

Compared to so many other characters on GoT, we don’t see The Mountain very often. But when we do, he always warrants some kind of response like, “Holy shit balls. Look at the fucking size of this guy!” The same can be said about the 7′ 1″, 276-pound center for the Cavaliers, as Mozgov has only been on the court for 25 minutes through the first six games of the Finals. But when he actually does walk out onto that court, he just looks like one of those guys you don’t want to fuck with. Plus, of all the players on either roster, this is the one guy we’d throw our money on to one day grab another player and poke his eyes out with his thumbs while he’s crushing his skull with his bare hands. He’s Russian, for Christ’s sake…

LeBron James is Jon Snow.

USP NBA: NEW YORK KNICKS AT CLEVELAND CAVALIERS S BKN USA OH776466_510_promo_frames_16_00170187[1].jpg

Even though he’s trying to do what’s best for the Association and the city of Cleveland, LeBron James can do no right. I mean, just imagine how many more people in Cleveland would have overdosed on heroin if King James hadn’t returned to give them some inkling of hope. Who else is going to do it, the Tribe? The Browns? No fucking way. And yet, he gets murdered by the mainstream media and the tards on social media and hell, sometimes even his own teammates after every single move. Likewise, Jon Snow tried to save all of humanity, and his own brotherhood killed him. I mean, for fuck’s sake, a kid shoved a knife into his heart. Plus, my wife wants to plow both of these guys…

Steph Curry is Tyrion Lannister.

steph currytyrion

Sure, we could make this all about height and say that Lannister is the shortest guy you’ll see on the small screen while Curry is the shortest guy on the hardwood, but our comparison is going to be all about popularity. A recent study revealed that 98 percent of people love Steph Curry. That’s a lot of fucking people, people. Even that dude who got hit by Curry’s mouthpiece when he threw it off the court in Game 6 didn’t seem to care about it. It was almost as though he considered it to be an honor. Likewise, almost 19,000 people cast a vote in a “favorite GoT characters” poll on IMDb, and Tyrion was the winner. And like Melissa McCarthy being able to bend down and touch her toes, it wasn’t even close. Lannister pulled down almost 7,000 votes while the Mother of Dragons finished second with fewer than 2,500 votes. And that’s after getting naked again in Season 6…

J.R. Smith is The Waif.

NBA: Playoffs-Golden State Warriors at Cleveland Cavaliersthe waif

Nobody loves getting into fights with children more than these two…

Wait, there’s more: Our Latest Podcast Is All About The Nut Shots

You have got to see this shit:

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