Fat Fuck Pablo Sandoval’s Fat Ass Is Heading To The Disabled List

Pablo Sandoval

by Frank Rhombus

No word if he strained his left shoulder reaching for the pasta salad that was on the complete other side of the buffet table.

That’s right, kids. Boston’s $95-million third baseman/pinch hitter/fat fuck is heading to the disabled list, not because he swallowed a whole child at Golden Corral and threw his back out trying to cough up the little twat but because of what the Red Sox brass are calling a “left shoulder strain.”

Right

Even more embarrassing than Sandoval’s performance since Boston signed him to a five-year deal is what manager John Farrell told reporters about it Wednesday morning:

“It’s been a real tough start,” Farrell said. “He’s been an easy target. I’ve had a chance to sit and talk with him about that specifically. First and foremost, we’ve got to get him right physically to get past the shoulder issue. If a breather gives him a chance to maybe step away from the scrutiny that he’s under, we’ll make every effort to have that take place. But I still firmly believe that Panda is going to be a contributor to this team. We’re going to need him to be, because there’s a darn good player in there. We’ve got to continue to work to get that out.”

For starters, you’re goddamn right he’s an easy target. I mean, you can’t fucking miss the guy.

But here’s the most pathetic part of Farrell’s speech: The fact that Sandoval has to take a “breather” so he can leave his job in an effort to get himself into some kind of shape where he can take the field and not be an absolute bag of pig shit. And the Red Sox are going to pay him to do it. I mean, #YouHaveGotToBeFistFuckingMe.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. This is why guaranteed contracts in any sport are a fucking joke, almost as big as the one where the Boston Red Sox signed Pablo Sandoval on purpose. Did you hear that one? Hysterical…

Wait, there’s more: Take A Fucking Hint, Pablo Sandoval

You have got to see this shit:

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