Does Anybody Really Want To Play For Deplorable Cunt Fran McCaffery?

fran mccaffery mad

by Frank Rhombus

Why does Iowa head coach Fran McCaffery always act like he just found out his mom contracted syphilis from his cousin when he sits down for a press conference?

The Hawkeyes men’s basketball team shit the bed yet again in the Big Ten Tournament yesterday, this time falling to a pig shit awful Illinois squad who got curb stomped by 31 points by Purdue this afternoon. That makes it three consecutive years that Iowa has gone one-and-done in the Big Ten Tourney, losing to a double-digit seed each time.

Sure, the Hawkeyes are going to the Big Dance for the third straight year, but who gives a shit? At this point, I’ve got a better shot at eating dinner out of Charlotte McKinney’s hump hole than Iowa does at advancing to the Sweet 16. Throw in their last two NCAA Tourney appearances with their last five Big Ten Tourney shit shows, and the Hawkeyes are just 3-7 under McCaffery when it matters.

Call us crazy, but you have to think their lack of success in March has to do with the fact that McCaffery is a deplorable cunt, and playing for him looks like it’s about as enjoyable as Boban Marjanović shoving a fist up your ass. Hell, it’s no fun if you’re a member of the media that drew the short straw and was forced to cover Iowa sports either.

I mean, here’s what happened yesterday when one reporter asked Jarrod Uthoff and Mike Gesell about the final play that was called in their two-point loss to Illinois:

None of your business? Hey, go fuck yourself, Fran. It’s the business of every Iowa reporter and fan right now because they deserve to know why every Fran McCaffery team is a worthless pile of pig shit when the calendar turns to March.

And who can forget this gem from a year ago when a reporter asked him why one of his players and fellow tool Adam Woodbury continually poked opposing players in the eye?

I mean, do you know why taking that approach with the media works for guys like Bill Belichick and Gregg Popovich and not you, Fran? It’s because those guys have won multiple championships while you’ve brought the students of Iowa, what, a bag of wooden nickels that they give to whoever wins the season series in the paramount Iowa-Nebraska rivalry?

Win the Big Ten during the regular season. Then win the Big Ten Tournament. Then make it to the second weekend of the NCAA Tourney. Then make it to the Final Four. Then win a national championship. And then, you can be a dick to the media, your players, and whoever else thinks you’re actually worth a shit as a human being.

On a side note, you know what I else see in that first clip? I see two kids in Uthoff and Gesell who are so scared about playing under McCaffery that they haven’t eaten a thing for weeks. Either that or they fear McCaffery will put on his wife’s stilettos and crush their nuts if he finds out they eat something within 24 hours of a loss. I also see a kid in Uthoff who is probably second-guessing that whole “Leaving Madison” thing…

Wait, there’s more: Did Jim Boeheim Literally Piss His Pants Yesterday?

You have got to see this shit:

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One Response to Does Anybody Really Want To Play For Deplorable Cunt Fran McCaffery?

  1. Kyle says:

    Hey Frank, you kiss your mother with that mouth? Your vocabulary is top notch, you do a great job of expressing yourself.

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