This Latvian Rap Video About Kristaps Porzingis Gave Me A Boner

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by Andy Ostroff

Now that I live in New York, I suppose I need to get somewhat excited about the New York sports scene, but this could prove to be rather difficult since I am a native of Boston.

But one guy I have no problem getting behind is this Kristaps Porzingis fellow.

I realize that it was only about six months and 60 degrees ago when New Yorkers thought drafting Kristaps Porzingis was worse than taking a Stephen Gostowski kick to the dick. The even-keeled Stephen A Smith got on TV to say that he and other Knicks fans were “hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok, and flat out deceived” by Phil Jackson. 

Now Knicks fans love Kristaps and probably still pray that Stephen A. severely injures himself while lugging a giantic thesaurus up the stairs to his fourth floor apartment. I don’t particularly care for the Knicks, but I’m beginning to like Porzingis, and he may turn into my favorite player ever if Latvian rap videos like this keep coming out:

While I have no idea what these guys are saying other than the catchy hook and phrases such as “Double Double,” “Triple Double,” and “Carmelo Anthony shout-out.” But let’s be honest: There were only two things that I could think of during my first viewing of this clip, and I say “first” because you’re damn right I’ve watched this multiple times:

1. My grandma was born in Latvia, so does that make these sexy ass Latvian gangsters “my people?”
2. Somebody better put the roof back up on that Lamborghini because it’s snowing outside and that is an expensive piece of machinery. 

But most importantly, how does become besties with Kristaps? This needs to happen, as I want to be featured in a Latvian rap video…

Wait, there’s more: Fartgate: Who Farted At The Beginning Of The Fourth Quarter Today In Denver?

You have got to see this shit:

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