Here’s A Handwritten Lawsuit Against Ronda Rousey That Accuses Her Of Having A Penis
by Frank Rhombus
It took a while, but it looks like we finally found something crazier than going bareback with Chuck Sheen.
If you currently find yourself in a relationship with one G.B. White in Pennsylvania, you might want to see how much you can fit into your Hyundai Santa Fe and then get the fuck out of there. That’s because Mr. White “respectfully submitted” a handwritten, batshit crazy lawsuit in a United States District Court in Jacksonville, Florida on New Year’s Eve seeking a temporary restraining order against UFC superstar Ronda Rousey because – among other things – he has proof that she has a dick.
The entire lawsuit is a must-read, but if you only have 85 seconds left of your poop, then here are the bullet points:
1) White says he fears Rousey will use her kickboxing skills and judo kick his head into submission to keep him from revealing a huge secret about her and the UFC.
2) That secret? You guessed it: Ronda Rousey is really a man, and the UFC knows it. But they dress her up like a woman and let her fight against the ladies because it boosts ratings.
3) White says he has evidence of Rousey wearing a speedo at a “nudist colony” in Dewey Beach, Delaware that totally shows she has a pecker.
4) White says Rousey used her winnings from fighting to get a penis enlargement in Jacksonville.
5) Rousey bought steroids from Barry Bonds and had “secret relations” Alex Rodriguez.
6) White says he has the only copy of a sex tape featuring Jon Jones and Ronda Rousey, and in that tape, you can clearly see Rousey’s cock.
7) Rousey’s real father is Ron Jeremy.
8) Ronda Rousey’s real name is Ron Rousey or Ronald Rousey, and he has her real birth certificate in his possession.
9) Because she is a man and because she is taking steroids, she and the UFC are both committing consumer fraud.
Seriously, just prolong your shit for a few more minutes and read the whole thing:
Hey, if you’re G.B. White’s doctor, then congratulations. It looks like those pills you prescribed him are working big time…
h/t Bloody Elbow
Wait, there’s more: NFL Playoffs Is Perfect Time To Make Bookie Your Bitch, Bro
You have got to see this shit: