A Letter To The Dickhead Side Of Cam Newton That Stole A Packers Fan’s Banner Sunday Afternoon

north carolina cheesehead

by Andy Ostroff

Dear Cam Newton…

What’s with you and ripping things? Unfortunately, you have a signature touchdown dance where you pretend to rip off your shirt like Superman and it’s terrible. Seriously, nobody likes it, and Marcel Marceau is turning over in his grave because of your mime work. But today you took the ripping to a whole new level when you ripped down a Packers banner hanging in your home team’s stadium.

It’s probably a prized possession for that fan, a fan who probably bought a ticket, and that ticket probably helps pay your salary. So take it easy on those guys, and go buy that fan a new banner!

You said that you did this because, “It wasn’t just about tearing down a sign. It was respect.” But where is the respect for this fan? They had no chance of holding onto their possession that you stole from them.  Not only were they presumably from Wisconsin (fat joke) and still out of breath because they climbed some stairs 25 minutes earlier (another fat joke), but you came out of nowhere and surprised them.  You’re lucky they didn’t die of a heart attack! You would have joined Josh Hamilton as one of the only pro athletes to unintentionally kill a fan during a game.

The best way to demand respect for your football team is to win, not to do trivial shit like this. I could see the justification in your actions if the fan made a sign that said “Fuck You and Your Dumb Ass Greek Yogurt Commercials,” but they didn’t.

Your next excuse was something so obvious I had to check to make sure it wasn’t said by Phil Simms: “We played in Green Bay last year, and I didn’t see no ‘This is Panthers Country’ sign in their stadium.”

Um, no shit.

The Packers have been around damn near 80 years longer than your team, and they have way more fans. The Panthers aren’t even close to the most popular team in the Carolinas. If Duke played UNC in a basketball game at Bank of America Stadium, it would probably sell out faster than any Panthers game. Plus, while we are making obvious statements, I will add that basketball games hold more fans than football games because the playing surface is smaller.

I guess what I’m saying is don’t pitch a fit when a fan from an opposing team comes into your stadium. Imagine if you played for San Diego and you essentially had an away game every week until the team moved to LA. What would you do then? Just be nicer and please try to locate this fan and make it right. Give them their banner back and maybe even sign a football for them, that way they will have Panthers gear in their own home.  It’s bad enough you beat the shit out of their Packers.

Sincerely,

Just some guy who had nothing better to do. But honestly, stop being a dick.

Wait, there’s more: Can Everybody Please Shut The Fuck Up About Cam Newton Being The MVP?

You have got to see how the over hit in the Giants-Bucks game today:

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