Only Matt Barnes Would Drive 95 Miles To Beat The Shit Out Of Derek Fisher For Plowing His Ex-Girlfriend

matt barnes derek fisher

by Tommy Gimler

Well, OK. So would Dante Cunningham, but still.

I’m not in the business of humping broads who whore their way through NBA players so much that they’re cast on a reality television show about it, so I’m not certain. But word is the smoking hottie who used to suck Matt Barnes’ knob is now juicing Derek Fisher.

Meet Gloria Govan:

Barnes apparently found out from his twin boys that Fisher was in his old house parking his beef bus in his old wife’s hump hole, so he drove 95 miles from the Memphis Grizzlies’ California training camp in Santa Barbara to “beat the shit” out of Fisher. An “altercation” took place just before midnight in the back yard where Fisher, Govan and about 10 others were enjoying a bonfire.

According to a text that was allegedly sent by Barnes to one of his “boys,” the Grizzlies forward said he “kicked his ass from the back yard to the front room and spit in her face.” However, a source told the New York Post that Fisher wasn’t going to press charges because he left the house with nothing more than “a few scratches.”

Fisher himself refused to talk about it at a press conference on Wednesday, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and according to this one of the Knicks head coach, Barnes didn’t even come close to beating the shit out of him:

Knicks-Paschoalotto/Bauru exhibition game

Yet based on Barnes’ track record, we wouldn’t put it past him to drive 95 miles just to spit in his ex-wife’s face. After all, this clown went on social media in August and told everybody he was “past the crush stage” with Rihanna, and she had to jump on Instagram to tell everybody he was full of shit. In May, Barnes looked at James Harden’s mom and said, “Suck my dick, bitch.” And in January, he was fined for kicking water and swearing at a fan.

The bottom line is that Matt Barnes, with his Cracker Jack neck tats and pretty pearly whites, isn’t a real enforcer. He’s a fucking poser. A real tough guy doesn’t jaw with other players’ moms, get arrested for suspected felony domestic abuse, lie about fucking pop stars, and say he just beat the shit out Derek Fisher even though we know that isn’t the case. I mean, if he really would have beaten the shit out of the Knicks head coach, then Fisher would have showed up to his press conference looking like Hedo Turkoglu instead of the black Mr. Clean.

In a related story, Matt Barnes apparently now plays for Memphis. Yeah, the cops there are going to love him. If you’ve got him on your Current Athletes Getting Arrested (CAGA) Fantasy League roster, keep him in the starting lineup. This could be your year…

Wait, there’s more: Victor Cruz’s Fiancée Allegedly Sent A Text To All Of His Side Pieces

You have got to see this shit:

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