Imagine How Awesome The MLB Postseason Would Be If Baseball And Its Umpires Weren’t So Fucking Retarded

nlds game 2 slide

by Frank Rhombus

Imagine how awesome Major League Baseball would be if they had instant replay. Then they would never get any calls wrong. Oh wait…

TV viewership of baseball has been on a decline since 2001. Some say it’s because the games are too long. Other say there just isn’t enough action. I’d like to go ahead and offer up a different excuse: The umpires suck my fucking ass.

That’s right, kids. The guys making six figures to just watch a game of baseball and call it as they see it are making more mistakes than ever. The good news is that they now have instant replay with multiple camera angles to review a play if necessary. The bad news? You guessed it: They still can’t make the right fucking call.

Despite the fact that the 2015 MLB postseason is younger than a girl Roman Polanski ejaculates into, there have already been two major fuck-ups that have pretty much decided the outcome of two Divisional Series games.

Friday afternoon, hey, the Rangers and Blue Jays played 14 innings in Toronto. And they might have played more if it wouldn’t have been for Dale Scott’s crew of shitdicks calling Rough Odor – no, seriously, that’s his fucking name – safe at second base despite the fact that video replays clearly showed Troy Tulowitzki tagging him while he momentarily fell off of the base. The Rangers would take advantage of the missed call, score two runs, and win the game.

And tonight, a great 2-1 game between the Dodgers and Mets turned into pure shitdickery in the bottom of the seventh inning when Chase Utley slid into Mets shortstop Ruben Tejada with zero intent of touching second base. The slide was dirty not only because Utley didn’t come close to touching second base (which makes it an illegal slide), but it was also almost as late as the average Mexican teenage girl.

The slide resulted in Utley being called out on the diamond and Tejada leaving the game with a broken fibula. But Dodgers manager Don Mattingly challenged the play, and the umpires ruled that Tejada never touched second base with his toenails, so Utley was able to trot back onto the field and an out was removed from the scoreboard…wait for it…despite the fact that Utley never touched the base because of his dirty, illegal slide.

That means everybody watching at home – or Dodgers fans watching from the Denny’s kitchen – saw that Utley ran off the field without touching the base, which is just as much of an out today as it was back when my great grandpa still had a pulse. Yet he was able to return to the base…wait for it…only because the umpires blew the first call. The Dodgers would score four runs in the inning that should have been over when Corey Seager flied out in the next at-bat.

Now, who’s to say that the Rangers wouldn’t have eventually scored a run to win the game or the Dodgers wouldn’t have scored two runs later in the game to win anyway, but the fact of the matter is that they didn’t have to. And that also meant that I was able to shut that pig shit off right then and there and get to my late night Skinemax that much sooner.

But it also means that I’m done wasting my times watching such a shitty product. I’ll just stick to watching the NFL, where they always get it right. Oh wait…

Wait, there’s more: Only Matt Barnes Would Drive 95 Miles To Beat The Shit Out Of Derek Fisher For Plowing His Ex-Girlfriend

You have got to see this shit:

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description