Can Everybody Please Shut The Fuck Up About Cam Newton Being The MVP?

cam newton not the mvp

by Tommy Gimler

Call me crazy, but I’d like to think the MVP of the greatest sport on the planet would have a higher quarterback rating than Jay Cutler and Brandon Weeden.

Perhaps the only thing trendier than calling Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton the NFL’s MVP through Week 7 is sending Tila Tequila hate mail, and a quick look at these statistics will show you why those at the four-letter doing so (Steven A. Smith, Jason Reid, and Ryan Clark) are crazier than getting into a car with Vince Neil behind the wheel:

1. The combined record of the teams Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers have beaten is 15-26.

I mean, are the Carolina Panthers really that good? Their opponents’ winning percentage is .366. Considering them to be among the league’s elite teams just because they’re undefeated is like bragging that your kid aced his classes at DeVry…

2. 27 other quarterbacks have a higher QB rating than Cam Newton.

That list includes Colin Kaepernick, Jay Cutler, Brian Hoyer, Brandon Weeden, Marcus Mariota, and Jameis Winston. I mean, have you seen Colin Kaepernick try to play football this year? He’s the quarterback position’s equivalent to syphilis, and he has a higher QB rating than Cam Newton…

3. Only six other quarterbacks have thrown more interceptions than Cam Newton.

One of the most important parts of playing the quarterback position is completing passes to the guys on your team. Only six guys have had a harder time accomplishing that than Newton, and through six games, he’s on pace to set a career high in interceptions. And when he actually does throw the ball to the guys wearing Panthers jerseys, he’s only completing them 55.8 percent of the time, and that clip is the third-worst amongst all quarterbacks…

Now, the ass clowns suggesting that Newton is the shield’s MVP will tell you that “no quarterback has done more with less,” and they can pretty much take that argument and shove it up their peeholes. Aaron Rodgers lost his best receiver before the season started, and things were so bad that the Packers had to pull James Jones, who was cut by both the Raiders and Giants this summer, off the free agent shitheap and turn him into a star. Running back Eddie Lacy looks about as frail as Kirk Douglas thanks to a bum ankle, so James Starks has been their main running threat, and you might recognize him from the phrase, “Who the fuck is James Starks?” And despite all of that, Rodgers entered the bye week with a the second-best QB rating in the league.

So as you can see, anybody suggesting Cam Newton is the NFL MVP this year is obviously off their meds. Then again, you could say the same thing about anybody who considers what ESPN dishes out these days to be accurate…

Wait, there’s more: Watch This Golfer Hit A Shot That Ricochets Off A Tree And Drills Him Right In The Nuts

You have got to see this shit:

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