Here Are My AFC South Predictions, Bro

no beard andrew luck

by Rakesh the Intern

NFL season start in like 90 minute, and boss is like, “Hey, Rakesh. How about an AFC South preview?” I want to tell him to go fuck self, but I am big pussy so I say, “OK, boss.”

Just like AFC East, there is one team and one team only who will win this division, bro. And if you are picking any team other than Colts, then you are crazier than Uncle Soham, and that guy once ripped penis off of live goat and fed it to his kids. Sick shit, bro.

1. Indianapolis Colts

andrew-luck-directv-2

Check it out, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with like three-quarter of brain, bro. They have division’s best quarterback, best receiving duo, and lots of added veteran presence, my friend. If you pick any other team to win division, you should be prepared to get crushed like Cousin Manoj. Dude didn’t look left before crossing street in Howrah, and escaped elephant was there. He was able to run for short while, but elephant eventually put him out like Uncle Ankit puts out cigarette, bro. Sad shit, bro…

Last year: 11-5 (1st)

This year, Vegas says: 11-5 (1st)

The DUD says: 12-4 (1st)

Mike Wells (ESPN) says: 13-3 (1st)

2. Houston Texans

loser texans fan

Listen, bro. The best defense in the division belongs to this Houston Texans team, who has this J.J. Watt going around at swatting down balls and shit. I would like for him to impregnate my sister Suhani so then we could get mad Rupee from him. But I don’t think he like Indian woman, bro. Also, if this team could win nine game a year ago with shit from pig quarterback at helm, then expecting one or two more wins this year is not unrealistic, boss. Trust me, bro…

Last year: 9-7 (2nd)

This year, Vegas says: 8 1/2 wins (2nd)

The DUD says: 11-5 (2nd)

Tania Ganguli (ESPN) says: 10-6 (2nd)

3. Jacksonville Jaguars

hot jaguars girl

Let me tell you something, bro. I don’t think me and my massive bush of Indian pubic hair could last two second with this American girly wearing the Jaguar jersey. And two seconds is also probably how long this Jaguar team will be relevant this year again, bro…

Last year: 3-13 (3rd)

This year, Vegas says: 5.5 wins (t-3rd)

The DUD says: 6-10 (3rd)

Michael DiRocco (ESPN) says: 7-9 (3rd)

4. Tennessee Titans

loser titans fan

I’m telling you, bro. Watching this Titans team is going to be almost as disgusting as watching my Aunt Mahima pick her teeth with her toenails. No joke, bro. She actually did that at Christmas three years ago…

Last year: 2-14 (4th)

This year, Vegas says: 5.5 wins (t-3rd)

The DUD says: 4-12 (4th)

Paul Kuharsky (ESPN) says: 5-11 (4th)

Wait, there’s more: Here Is How The AFC East Will Finish, Bro

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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