Here Is Your AFC West Preview, Bro

peyton manning old

by Rakesh the Intern

I’ll tell you what, bro. I am up in Williamsport, PA at this Little League World Series helping boss with work, and these local kids smell worse than cousin Anish, and he shit his pants like three times last week. And then the other three times he crap in street. Sad shit, bro.

Anyhow, boss ask me to do preview of this AFC West division in your silly game of American football while he go hit on what he calls “Buffalo Wild Wing waitress who is so obese and has braces so there is no way she can say no.” So, here is what I am thinking, bro:

1. Denver Broncos

denver cheerleaders

Listen, bro. This Peyton Manning last year look like he had legs that worked as well my Uncle Shivam’s, and he had his blown off in war with assholes from Pakistan. But I still think that this Manning guy is top five quarterback in league, so I say bet fat Rupee on this Bronco team to win division and more than 10 games this year, bro. And I’m talking Uncle Rishabh fat. Dude is like 400-pounder now, my friend.

Don’t worry about this new coach Gary Kubiak, bro. He seem like he is big pussy and will let Manning dictate what happens on offense. And by big pussy I mean bigger than my cousin Anagi in college. Something like 13 guys in her at one time in college. Sick shit, bro. And she would keep doing that shit like every week, boss. A little while later, her poon broke, bro…

Last year: 12-4 (1st)

This year, Vegas says: 10-6 (1st)

The DUD says: 11-5 (1st)

Bleacher Report says: 11-5 (1st)

2. Kansas City Chiefs

baby andy reid chiefs

What is the deal with this Alex Smith quarterback, bro? I mean, if Andy Reid wants guy who can throw ball two yard past line of scrimmage every time, then he should just call cousin Gokul. Unfortunately, two yard is cousin Gokul’s max because he was born with baby left arm and that is the one he throws with for some reason. Sad shit, bro.

Safety Eric Berry returns this year after he died or something last year, my friend. He should anchor defense that is more dominant than Uncle Rishabh at American buffet. But defense can only go so far, and this Alex Smith, who had zero touchdowns to wide receiver last year – no joke, bro, is almost as disgusting as my Aunt Mahima, and she pick her teeth with her toenails, my friend. Serious, bro. She did that at Christmas two year ago…

Last year: 9-7 (t-2nd)

This year, Vegas says: 8.5 wins (t-2nd)

The DUD says: 9-7 (2nd)

Bleacher Report says: 7-9 (3rd)

3. San Diego Chargers

chargers fans

I’ll tell you what, bro. This one is almost as simple as my cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter of brain, my friend. Everybody and mom are saying that this Philip River and Gordon Melvin will have big year, but I don’t see it that way, bro. That’s because my Uncle Omkar used to tell me that when everybody thinks one thing is going to happen, then the opposite usually come in.

Uncle Omkar is in prison now for fixing local cricket match in Howrah and for beating snot out of Aunt Tanvi because she gave blowing job to his brother Ashwin, but that doesn’t mean that I think his betting advice is goat shit. Under should be bigger lock than Mexican getting pregnant, bro…

Last year: 9-7 (t-2nd)

This year, Vegas says: 8.5 wins (t-2nd)

The DUD says: 8-8 (3rd)

Bleacher Report says: 10-6 (2nd)

4. Oakland Raiders

raiders fans darth vader

Check it out, bro. The Raiders have had more head coaches over last 12 years than my Aunt Vidhya has kids, and she like 18 children now, my friend. I think some of them are not hers, but still, they live in same house made of clay. But I do like this new coach Jack Del Rio, bro. He knows AFC West, and he also knows that you can’t win when team gets 45 penalties every game.

And watch out for this Derek Carr to Amari Cooper connection, my friend. It could me more potent than my cousin Deepak, and that dude has like eight kid and he’s only 27, bro…

Last year: 3-13 (4th)

This year, Vegas says: 5.5 wins (4th)

The DUD says: 6-10 (4th)

Bleacher Report says: 3-13 (4th)

Wait, there’s more: Here Is How AFC North Will Finish This Year, Bro

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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