Is Josh Harrison The Next Bill Hall?

josh harrison is the next bill hall

by Tommy Gimler

You remember Bill Hall, right? He was that guy on the Brewers who sucked balls.

Well, since there were so many guys who fit that bill in the 2000′s, let me be a tad more specific. He was that guy who could play almost every position and had one good year where he hit a ton of home runs (35) and drove in a bunch more (85), so the front office gave him a $24 million contract. Then he sucked big, hairy balls.

Fast forward to 2014. After several good years in the Pirates’ minor-league system, Josh Harrison has been about as exciting at the big boy level as watching your dad clip his toenails. But that is about to change, as the 26-year-old utility man hits .315 with an OPS of .837, and the front office rewards him with a four-year, $27.3 million contract extension that could be worth up to $50 million if the team picks up their option.

But that probably isn’t going to happen because just like Bill Hall, Josh Harrison now sucks balls. Only eight qualifying players in all of baseball have a worse batting average than Harrison’s .181 mark. His .228 OBP is also pure dog shit, and only two players have a worse mark than that.

And remember that .837 OPS from a year ago? Yeah, that shit flew the coop quicker than a dozen Mexicans who just saw a Department of Immigration vehicle pull into a Home Depot parking lot. He is currently sporting an OPS of .538, and only five players are worse in that department.

Obviously, the 2015 MLB season is still younger than girls Roman Polanski rapes, but it sure isn’t a promising start for Harrison. Or the Pirates, for that matter…

Wait, there’s more: The Best Twitter Reactions To Tom Brady’s Suspension

You have got to see this shit:

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