2015 AL West Preview

cano hernandez

by Tommy Gimler

The Mariners might win the division, but it’s still Mike Trout who can plow my sister.

Let’s be honest: Trying to accurately predict how many games a team is going to win over a 162-game season is almost as hard as eating next to a dude with Parkinson’s. I mean, Karl Ravech had the Rangers winning the division last year, and he gets paid to do this shit.

That’s why we’re going to preview every team this year in three sentences or less. Because when it comes down to it, we know just as much as everybody else does this time of year: jack shit

1. Seattle Mariners

cano hernandez

With the exception of first base and centerfield, the Mariners are better than the Angels at every position, so we have to take them to win the division. Choosing the Angels would be like knowing that your wife is hotter, has a better job, and smells better than her sister, yet you decide throw it in her sister for some reason…

Daily Upper Decker: 92-70 (1st)

Joel Reuter, Bleacher Report: 95-67 (1st)

Tom Verducci, Sports Illustrated: 95-67 (1st)

Ben Lindbergh, Grantland: Over 84 wins (1st)

Vegas: 86 1/2 wins (2nd)

2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim


Seriously, how awesome would it be at Christmas if your sister showed up with Mike Trout instead of that felon she’s currently with? As a father, Trout could be sitting at the dinner table, take a bite of his mashed potatoes, and say, “Dad, that was delicious, but now I’m going upstairs to wreck your daughter,” and you would just respond with “OK” because he’s Mike Trout…

Daily Upper Decker: 90-72 (2nd)

Joel Reuter, Bleacher Report: 90-72 (2nd)

Tom Verducci, Sports Illustrated: 92-70 (2nd)

Ben Lindbergh, Grantland: 87-75 wins (2nd)

Vegas: 88 wins (1st)

3. Oakland Athletics


It seems like every year we look at Oakland’s roster and say, “Who are these fucking guys?” But every year, Billy Beane and Bob Melvin get these no-names to play at an All-Star level. Well, except this year…

Daily Upper Decker: 80-82 (3rd)

Joel Reuter, Bleacher Report: 84-78 (3rd)

Tom Verducci, Sports Illustrated: 81-81 (3rd)

Ben Lindbergh, Grantland: Over 83 wins (3rd)

Vegas: 81 1/2 wins (3rd)

4. Houston Astros


Don’t be shocked if the Astros actually make a push for the .500 mark this year, as there is a ton of young talent and the back end of that bullpen is stellar thanks to the additions of Gregerson and Neshek. At the same time, don’t be surprised if the team barely reaches the 70-win mark thanks to their hitters striking out six thousand times thanks to guys like Chris Carter. He’s basically 2015′s version of Rob Deer…

Daily Upper Decker: 77-85 (4th)

Joel Reuter, Bleacher Report: 70-92 (5th)

Tom Verducci, Sports Illustrated: 72-90 (5th)

Ben Lindbergh, Grantland: 79-83 (4th)

Vegas: 75 1/2 wins (5th)

5. Texas Rangers


The best part about the 2015 Texas Rangers is that a guy named “Rough” Odor is playing second base for them. Just when you thought there was no way the injury bug could bite the team as hard as it did last year, Profar and Darvish went down with season-ending injuries. Hopefully, they both have Obamacare to help offset the costs, although since it’s Texas, Obamacare is probably illegal…

Daily Upper Decker: 76-86 (5th)

Joel Reuter, Bleacher Report: 72-90 (4th)

Tom Verducci, Sports Illustrated: 73-89 (4th)

Ben Lindbergh, Grantland: Over 74 wins (5th)

Vegas: 76 1/2 wins (4th)

Wait, there’s more: 2015 AL East Preview

You have got to see this shit:

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