Warren Sapp Getting Arrested For Assaulting The Hookers He Ordered Is Sweet Justice

NFL: Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

by Frank Rhombus

Warren Sapp is a fucking asshole, and his cuntiness was on full display in Phoenix.

Filing for bankruptcy had apparently taught Sapp to be a tad more careful with his cash, but that mentality combined with the urge for poon landed the Hall of Fame defensive tackle in some pretty deep shit during the Super Bowl festivities this weekend.

Sapp was arrested early Monday morning after he allegedly hired two hookers and then assaulted them over an argument over how much coin he had to give them. He has since been released on his own recognizance and fired by the NFL Network, and that is beyond terrific with us.

We were in Phoenix for the majority of the week leading up to Super Bowl 49, and while we were there, one of our friends decided to get a fresh shave at a Downtown Phoenix barbershop. Like a responsible adult, he scheduled an appointment the night before and was about 15 minutes early. While waiting for his shave, Sapp waddled his fat ass through the door without an appointment and asked for one as well. The receptionist put him on the list, and Sapp was somehow able to find a seat that could hold him.

Our friend was in town representing a cable television station that had rented out a local restaurant and turned it into an advertisement for their biggest show of the year, which aired on Sunday before the big game. His other job was to get as many celebrities and former players as possible to attend their Super Bowl party Thursday night.

So, he made his way over to Sapp and asked him if he would like to attend the bash, one that would feature free booze, free food, and highlight the stars of Sunday’s show: puppies. Sapp immediately cut him off and said, “No way, man. I fucking hate dogs.” Our friend assured him that they were adorable puppies who were up for adoption at the local Arizona Humane Society. Sapp didn’t care and said, “I hate puppies, too.”

Really? Who hates puppies? I mean, sure, if a puppy was responsible for murdering your entire family, then I would understand. But to just hate puppies for no reason? That’s usually the sign of a crazy fuck, right there.

So, our friend left him an invite to the party anyway and told him that if he changed his mind, he could still show up. A few minutes later, the receptionist called our friend’s name because it was finally time for him to get his shave. Because he’s a gigantic cunt, Sapp took offense to this and pretty much played the “Don’t you know who I am?” card.

“Wait, why is he going before me? Time is money! Time is money!” Sapp growled (Note: Now we know why he was in such a hurry).

“Because, sir, he made an appointment,” the receptionist retorted.

Sapp let out a big, fat sigh and returned to his seat in a disgusted manner. Our friend found us later that day to tell us about the incident, and the only thought that went through our minds was, “Geez, what a fucking asshole!”

And after allegedly assaulting two hookers Monday morning, it appears as though those thoughts are right on the money…

Wait, there’s more: Super Bowl 49 Recap: Nobody In Phoenix Was Drunker Than This Clown

You have got to see this shit:

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description