No Means No

jameis winston

by Eddie Bagelstein

Remember when Florida State’s war cry was as ubiquitous as getting away with sexual assault? You couldn’t be a passive sports fan without seeing FSU fans tomahawking away like they were forcing opponents to walk the Trail of Tears. And then the Braves got on board and quantified the ubiquity.

It was all very aggressive. For a peace loving guy like myself, it became too much. All this chanting, all this war-crying against groups, just cause they were wearing different colors. Am I the only one who saw goose stepping and tomahawking as similar acts?

Well, not anymore. Now that these crafty Oregon players were caught via Vine adding the words “no means no” to the FSU war cry, I can finally hear the chant without feeling like I need to move my family to a basement for a few years.

This enlightened brand of shit-talking, obviously directed at Jameis Winston’s rapey ways, is the stuff that makes every war-hating sports fan happy. It’s going to be hard to get that war started with a bunch of people thinking “no means no” everytime they start the chant.

As of this writing, the Vine’s been viewed over 23 million times. Which means it’s getting traction. And when a catchy jingle like “No Means No” picks up traction, that’s when worlds start changing. Instead of thinking “let’s kill,” perhaps the Group will start thinking “let’s stop raping”?

It almost seems like these Oregon players are performing a public service, yet miraculously, Coach Helfrich is disciplining them instead. Which seems ridiculous, considering whatever discipline they recieve it will be more than that of Rapeis Winston.

Fortunately, Oregon served Jameis in the court of public opinion, right after they served him a trauma-inducing prison-fuck on the field. Whether Jameis makes it in the NFL or he becomes the next JaMarcus Russell, thanks to the these quick-thinking Ducks, he’ll forever be known as “That No Means No Guy.” And that’s a little bit of justice right there…

Wait, there’s more: Jockey Jerks Off On Woman’s Porch Then Gets Shot After Assaulting Two People

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