You Think We’re Sick? The Mavericks-Clippers Halftime Show Tonight Featured Retards Playing Full Court 5-On-5

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by Frank Rhombus

If you want an entertaining NBA halftime show in your arena, then put a Chinese broad on a unicycle while she balances dishes. Put some trampolines underneath the baskets so a couple of gymnast queers can pull off some sick dunks. Hell, put a couple of puppies at center court and let them take turns eating their own shit for Christ’s sake. But 5-on-5 hoops between kids who can’t tie their shoes and spend half the day smelling their hands that they just pulled from their asses? Damn, girlfriend.

The Los Angeles Clippers have a lot of questions to answer after Thursday night’s 113-107 loss to the Dallas Mavericks in front of 19,222 Lakers fans at the Staples Center, such as, “Why do we keep falling behind by double digits lately?” Or how about, “Are we going to see Jamal Crawford or Danny Granger before the playoffs?” And of course, “Who’s the sick asshole in the Clippers front office who labeled retards playing 5-on-5 buckets as acceptable halftime entertainment?”

Look, we’re human, and that means we’re all assholes. Get a few $14 Bud Lights in us, and we’re even worse. I mean, have you been to a sporting event lately and heard the shit spewing from people’s mouths? In Los Angeles, it’s a little harder to decipher if you don’t speak Spanish, but it’s pretty fucking ruthless nonetheless.

So unless you’re the parent or sibling of one these special fuckers, odds are you were one of the thousands of pricks getting a good chuckle tonight every time one these kids air-balled a layup, shot at the wrong basket, or picked his nose for two minutes in the center circle. I know I was. Think I wasn’t tossing the ol’ “Here’s Larry Birdbrain dishing it to Patrick Droolwing” at my buddy as he threw the ol’ “They just showed a close-up of Dikembe Mutato” right back at me? Yeah, that’s right. We were all over that shit because we’re assholes.

Shame on the Clippers for putting everybody at the Staples Center in that position tonight. But hey, kudos to those kids for coming out tonight and living the dream while at the same time putting up with thousands of retards like me who were mocking their every move from the seats…

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