The Best Team in Baseball Is…Wait, The Brewers?

Milwaukee Brewers win nine in a row

by Frank Rhombus

If you would have told me two weeks ago that the Brewers would be the owners of baseball’s best record at 9-2 on April 12th after winning eight games in a row, I would have said you’re fucking high, dad. But that’s exactly what has happened in Milwaukee thanks to an offensive attack almost as fearful as the thought of Rosie O’Donnell on bath salts and a tits pitching staff that boasts the best ERA in baseball.

At +25, the Brewers own baseball’s best run differential thanks in part to an offense that ranks in the top six in hits, doubles, triples, home runs, stolen bases, batting average, and OPS.

Carlos Gomez looks like the goddamn Tasmanian Devil when he does a complete 360 in the batter’s box at least once every at-bat. But in between those ridiculous hacks, Gomez has been arguably one of the best players in the game. Gomez hit his second leadoff homer of the season and sprinted around the bases like a rabbit on crack in Saturday night’s 3-2 win over Pittsburgh, giving him four total bombs on the year to go along with his eight RBI and .375 batting average.

And he’s not the only one hitting the piss out of the ball.

Ryan Braun and Aramis Ramirez are each hitting over .300 with 10 RBI. Catcher Jonathan Lucroy seems to be one of the toughest outs in baseball right now. Hell, even Rickie Weeks got on the board the other night with a base hit.

On the other side of things, here are eight words Brewers fans probably thought they’d never hear: Milwaukee currently has the best pitching in baseball.

Yovani Gallardo, who with all due respect was a major turd last year, has only given up two earned runs through his first three starts, all of which have been of the quality variety. In fact, eight of the Brewers eleven games have featured quality starts. The starting rotation’s worst game in terms of earned runs was Kyle Lohse’s outing against the Phillies this week where he gave up just three runs through five innings. Meanwhile, Wily Peralta, Marco Estrada, and Matt Garza all have ERA’s under 3.

But it’s Milwaukee’s bullpen that has been so damn good that even the sacks of shit on SportsCenter have been able to briefly stop talking about the Yankees or Colin Kaepernick’s lack of game with the ladies to give Milwaukee their due. In 32 2/3 innings pitched, the bullpen has yielded just three earned runs, good for a 0.83 ERA, which along with a .155 BAA and 0.77 WHIP, is the best in the bigs.

Equally as impressive was the fact that Jim Henderson didn’t turn into a whiny bitch after losing his role as closer to Francisco Rodriguez, who apparently can only pitch well if he’s in a Brewers uniform these days.

Sure, the season is younger than the chick R. Kelly pissed on tonight, but it really couldn’t have started much better for the Brewers and their fan base…

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