Either Derek Jeter Took A Shit In Michael Pineda’s Hand Or That’s Pine Tar

pine tar pineda

by Tommy Gimler

The New York Yankees beat the Boston Red Sox tonight 4-1 behind six strong innings from Michael Pineda. The Yanks’ right-hander gave up just four hits and one earned run while striking out seven. But it wasn’t his quality start that had NESN’s Jerry Remy’s panties in a bind.

 

Michael Pineda’s explanation for what that shit on his hand was? You guessed it: dirt.

Look, we get it. You can’t just come out and tell reporters that you intentionally had your palm caked with pine tar in hopes that it would give you a little more movement and/or control on your pitches. But this isn’t the Dominican Republic, brah. Most of our dirt – even in the Bronx – isn’t mixed with urine, so don’t give us the same answer that a six-year old retard would give us after he got busted with his fingers in his asshole.

Oh, and before Red Sox fans “staaht” their bitching, allow us and the rest of sports world to remind you what happened last year with tonight’s starter Clay Buchholz:

So, if you’re wondering why nobody from the Red Sox dugout had any complaints about Pineda’s shit palm, there’s a hint…

 

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