Check Out The $203 Million New York Yankees Lineup


by Tommy Gimler

Only the Los Angeles Dodgers have made more of an effort to buy a World Series championship than the New York Yankees this year. According to the Associated Press, Dodgers players will pull down $235 million this year, which makes New York’s $203 million payroll seem smaller than Nicole Richie’s tits. But given the fact that the Yanks are dropping over $200 million on their roster, you would expect a lineup full of All-Stars and future Hall of Famers every time out, right?


Check out this sack of shit lineup Yankees manager Joe Girardi had to hand to home plate umpire Brian O’Nora before Sunday night’s game against the Boston Red Sox, a game in which the Yanks were somehow to able to win 3-2, by the way:

Brett Gardner – 7

Carlos Beltran – 9

Jacoby Ellsbury – 8

Alfonso Soriano – DH

Brian McCann – 2

Yangervis Solarte – 4

Kelly Johnson – 5

Francisco Cervelli – 3

Dean Anna – 6

Ivan Nova – 1

That’s $203 million worth of talent? Shit, I could name more guys on the Astros, and that’s saying something. I mean, Yangervis Solarte? If I had to guess if Yangervis Solarte was either the scientific name they give to a specific strain of the AIDS virus that kills African children or the name of the starting second baseman for the New York Yankees, I would have to put all my chips on kids AIDS.

Obviously, the Yankees have injuries at key positions like shortstop and first base right now, but their lack of depth is shocking. In fact, it’s almost as shocking as them taking three of four this weekend from the Red Sox, who have their own injury issues right now with Pedroia, Victorino, and Middlebrooks all ailing. But outside of Jonathan Herrera filling in for Pedroia at second base, at least we’d heard of these other guys.

Despite that dog shit lineup, the Yanks are still tied for first place in the AL East. And if Girardi has to continually put a lineup like that together this year and still finds a way to win enough games to take the division, it’ll be time to start mentioning his name among baseball’s managing greats…

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