The Lakers Were A Goddamn Embarrassment Last Night

Lakers lose by 48 points to the Clippers

by Tommy Gimler

To say the Los Angeles Lakers are a bad team this year is a bigger understatement than me saying I would like to take Kate Upton out to dinner, as everybody knows I would eat a Skor Bar out of her asshole. And I fucking hate Skor Bars. But their 48-point beatdown courtesy of the Clippers Thursday night was a bigger joke than a Goo Goo Dolls live album.

Here are just a few examples of how pig shit awful the Lakers were Thursday night:

For starters, we don’t even know who the fuck this guy on the Lakers is. But seriously:

1) The 142-94 ass beating was the worst drubbing in Lakers history. Their previous worst loss came at the hands of the Portland Trailblazers on January 9, 1995, when they got their asses kicked by 46 points…

2) It was also their worst home loss ever (obviously). Their previous worst defeat at home was a little more than 54 years ago when the Boston Celtics beat the shit out of them by 39 points…

3) The Clippers beat the Lakers on the boards worse than a Green Bay Packers fan beats his wife after a loss. The Clippers had 64 rebounds while the Lakers only tallied 33. And this is when you know things are really shitty: Hedo Fucking Turkoglu alone had more boards (8) than the leading rebounder for the Lakers (Pau Gasol, 7)…

4) Four Clippers finished with double-doubles. The Lakers double-double total? You guessed it: dick sandwich…

5) Only one Clippers player shot worse than fifty percent from the field (thanks a lot, Willie Green). Meanwhile, the Lakers’ starting five hit just 36.5% of their shots…

6) The Clippers had more points in the second quarter (44) than the Lakers had in the entire first half (40)…

7) Darren Collison had more points in the second quarter (14) than the entire Lakers team (13)…

8 ) Down 33 points at the half, the Lakers showed their fans that their worst basketball was still to come. To begin the third quarter, the Clippers stole two of the first three inbound passes from the Lakers and quickly built their lead to 39 in a matter of 53 seconds…

9) Let’s be honest, Lakers fans. You knew it was going to be a long night when Kent Bazemore started for your team. You know, Kent Bazemore, as in “Who the fuck is Kent Bazemore?”

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