A Bum Has Licked My Asshole More Times Than The 76ers Have Posted A ‘W’ In The Last Two Months

76ers losing streak

by Frank Rhombus

The Philadelphia 76ers were curb stomped by the Houston Rockets tonight to the tune of 120-98, tying an NBA record in the process by losing their 26th consecutive game. Being a 76ers fan right now has to be about as enjoyable as the time I shit out a roll of quarters in college after a dare. Hey, they said I could keep the money if I did it, but the most troubling part of that episode was that when it was all said and done, I only made $9.25 that night.

It has now been 57 days since the Sixers last won a basketball game, and that one was a “just barely” number over the Boston Celtics on January 29th. At that point, they were 15-31 and needed just two more victories for those degenerates who had the onions to bet on them winning over 16.5 wins to collect their winnings. They now sit at an embarrassing 15-57, and just one game separates them from the pig shit awful Milwaukee Bucks and the NBA’s worst record. And with just ten more games to play, that over seems like about as much of a lock as me going to town on Kate Upton’s hump hole tonight.

Jesus Christ. 57 days and 26 games since the Sixers last won a game. Here’s just some of the shit that was going down that last time Philadelphia left their skid mark in the win column:

*Shirley Temple was still alive.

*Evan Turner was still a member of the Sixers.

*Pitchers and catchers for most MLB teams were still about ten to twelve days away from reporting to spring training.

*The #1 movie in America was Ride Along, and it was almost as bad as the Philadelphia 76ers.

*Ray Rice and his fiancee were ecstatic about their upcoming romantic getaway to Atlantic City.

*People were excited about their upcoming trip on Malaysian Airlines Flight #370…

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