Playing Six Degrees of Separation With Derek Jeter’s Genital Herpes

derek jeter genital herpes

by Frank Rhombus

Q: Hey DUD. You called Derek Jeter the Kevin Bacon of genital herpes this week. How about playing a game of “Six Degrees of Separation” to prove it?

Harold in Pittsburgh, PA

The DUD: Sounds like almost as much fun as throwing darts at Jenny McCarthy. Let me get a sixer and get to it.

Just how many hookups separate your favorite celebrity from baseball’s alleged king of genital herpes? It’s time to find out…

Bradley Cooper

Cooper was somehow able to get a hard on while looking at Renee Zellweger and plowed her, but she doesn’t factor in the equation here. Cooper fucked the piece of leather the rest of the country calls Cameron Diaz, Diaz humped Justin Timberlake, and JT is currently balls deep in his wife Jessica Biel, who unfortunately bumped uglies with Jeter…

Fergie

Fergie got retarded with Timberlake as well, and we just told you about his wife Jessica Biel letting Jeets hide his sausage in her hump hole…

Andy Samberg

Samberg threw his dick in Natalie Portman’s box, and she was rumored to be on the receiving end of Jake Gyllenhaal’s hot beef injection. Gyllenhaal went homo in Brokeback Mountain, but we’re more concerned with the hump sesh he had with Taylor Swift. Swift has been fucked by half of Hollywood, but we’re most concerned with her rubbing her poon all over John Mayer’s yogurt slinger. Mayer thought Minka Kelly’s body was a wonderland, so he porked her. Kelly’s been inside Derek Jeter’s penthouse, and he’s been inside her…

Kristen Wiig

Wiig is currently humping the very hairy Fabrizio Moretti. He used to fuck Drew Barrymore, who used to let David Arquette hammer her fur burger with his blood lumber. Arquette also got his fuck on with Alyssa Milano, who showed Justin Timberlake who was the boss in 2002, and that leads us to Jessica Biel…

Mila Kunis

Hot piece of ass/actress Mila Kunis is currently plowing Ashton Kutcher, and he used to wax ass with Brittany Murphy. Well, not anymore because she’s dead. But while she still had a pulse, she apparently fucked Eminem in real life, and Slim Shady used to bust a nut inside Mariah Carey’s bat shit crazy ass. Oh, and Mariah Carey used to play hide the salami with the Yankees shortstop…

Mike Tyson

“The Champ” once had sex with Naomi Campbell, and whether or not it was consensual isn’t what’s important here. What does matter is that Campbell bumped uglies with Leonardo DiCaprio, and he in turn wrecked Blake Lively. Lively is now married to Ryan Reynolds, and the former sexiest man alive used to pound Scarlett Johansson’s poon. And of course, Derek Jeter used to throw his cum gun in her meat sleeve…

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