Are These Pictures Of Sochi Or Detroit?

sochi_water1

by Frank Rhombus

We’re pretty hard on Detroit and rightfully so. With houses on the market with an asking price lower than a fucking Kia Soul and an unemployment rate higher than Katt Williams at breakfast, referring to Detroit as the “Armpit of America” would be fairly accurate. Halfway around the world lies another shithole: Sochi, Russia. The biggest difference between these two towns is that one is hosting the Olympics this week because a group of ass clowns thought about their wallets instead of the fact that everybody who drinks the water there over the next two weeks could die of dysentery. Outside of that, look at these pictures and see if you can tell the difference between the two…

These glasses of water are from…

…Sochi. Chicago Tribune reporter Stacy St. Clair tweeted this picture of the water from her hotel room’s faucet that looks more like what you see inside the milk jugs truckers throw along the side of the highway instead of actual water. St. Clair said upon her arrival, the front desk told her not wash her face with the water because it contained “something dangerous.” If I’m over there for two weeks, I’m not showering. Sure, I’ll smell worse than a Los Angeles cab driver, but at least my face won’t melt into something that looks like Renee Zellweger…

These stray dogs are from…

…Detroit. According to a study last year, there are over 30,000 vacant homes and buildings that are now serving as havens and shelters for strays. The city of Detroit says they usually catch 1,700 strays each year, but local residents think the problem is much worse. But at least in Detroit, the dogs are captured and dealt with in a humane matter. In Sochi, they are reportedly executing/poisoning them in hopes of clearing the streets in time for the games, and that’s almost as disturbing as the time I accidentally saw my grandfather’s balls…

This bedroom is from a building in…

…Sochi. This picture of one of the Canadian hockey team’s bedrooms was snapped by a journalist and published on Deadspin. But hey, at least each bed has a pillow! There is reportedly a pillow shortage that is so severe that members of the games’ support staff are being asked to give up their pillows in time for the arrival of “unexpected” athletes. Unexpected? Being at the Kardashian’s dinner table and not having to listen to those cunts bitch for twenty minutes, that’s unexpected. Athletes arriving for the Olympics? Not so much…

This toilet water is from a crapper somewhere in…

…Detroit. We pulled it from a TripAdvisor.com review for the Milner Hotel, which was ranked the 23rd-best hotel out of 34 in the Detroit metro area with comments such as “One night stay” and “Expect less than basic.” If you’re wondering what dump took home the honor of worst hotel in Detroit, it’s the Tip Motel, where it sounds like you’ll be able to get just the tip inside the hooker before her pimp busts down the door and cracks your skull open with a fucking crowbar…

This is a picture of a pair of shitters without a barrier between them from…

…Sochi. Look. I’m all about making friends, but this is ridiculous. When I drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, I’m the only chaperone. That’s my time. When I’m in my own house, I’m the only one in the bathroom and there is a locked door separating me from whatever the hell my wife and dog are doing on the other side of it. But in Sochi, they’re expecting me to sit next to a dude who smells like he’s literally dying because he didn’t adhere to the hotel’s warning not to drink the water from the faucet in his room? Fuck that. I’d rather sit home at watch Franklin & Bash

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description