How Much Is It Going To Cost To Watch The Broncos Win The Super Bowl In Person?

Peyton Manning AFC Championship

by Tommy Gimler

So, you’re a Broncos or Seahawks fan, and your team is one game away from winning what Jake Taylor referred to as “the whole fucking thing” in what many people call “the greatest city in the world.” The DUD breaks down how much cash money you’re going to need to get your ass out there to watch Peyton Manning win his second Super Bowl.

If you are a Broncos fan…

1) Believe it or not, you can still get a roundtrip flight on Southwest that leaves Denver and arrives at the worst major airport in America (La Guardia) on Thursday night for just $285. The catch is that your return flight takes off at 6am on Monday morning. Pussies will look at this and say there is no way they would book that flight, but real men will be getting shithoused while celebrating a Broncos victory until 4am anyway. So, why not just hop in a cab and go straight to the airport instead of sleeping for three or four hours before making your way to the airport? But if you look in the mirror every morning and see a huge pussy staring back, you can book a flight on Travelocity that lands at JFK for around $580…

2) You can stay at a four-star hotel like the Affinia Manhattan for an average of $229 a night before taxes. Assuming you’re going to enjoy the greatest city in the world and stay four nights, it will come to a grand total of $1,063. If you’re Bronco-backing Jew, the Comfort Inn in Brooklyn will set you back just $422. And hey, free breakfast!

3) According to Numbeo.com, the average price for a three-course meal for two at a mid-range restaurant in New York City is $75. But the good news is that you don’t have any friends, so you’re going alone. It means you can knock that price down to about $40. Plus, you can still get a meal deal at McDonald’s or Subway for around $7.25. You know you’re going to have a few pieces of pizza. I mean, shit. You’re in New York. Each slice is around three bucks. The average cost of a domestic draft beer is six bucks. Basically, if you set aside $120 a day for food and booze, you should be fine. Well, unless you’re known as a combination of Melissa McCarthy and Lindsay Lohan…

4) A seven-day Metro Card is just $29, and that’s probably your best bet for getting around town. If you have to take a cab, plug your nose and be ready to cough up about $8-$12, depending on where you’re going…

5) If you’re going to make the trip to New York, then we’ll assume you actually want to see the game in person. The cheapest ticket on StubHub.com is currently listed at $2,330. But there’s good news! That ticket includes your transportation to and from the game, access to parking at Harmon Meadow, and entry to Pregame Warmup VI, which apparently is being billed as the ultimate tailgate. So, once you throw that in, it makes it totally worth it…

6) According to BroBible.com, an average NYC hooker charges $75 for traditional intercourse. But hey, it’s Super Bowl week and you’ll want some above-average hump hole action. Plan on dropping at least $150 per fuck sesh…

Total cost for a Broncos fan who flies in from Denver, stays four nights, eats and drinks moderately, gets a ticket to the big game, and nails two hookers: $4,523…

If you’re a Seahawks fan…

1) The current cheapest roundtrip flight out of Seattle also lands at the shithole most people call La Guardia, and it’s going to set Seahawks fans back $576…

2) Outside of three cups of Starbucks each day, the other costs like hotel, transportation, and hookers should be about the same. An average sushi dinner for one would probably also come in around $40, so no change there…

Total cost for a Seahawks fan who flies in from Seattle, stays four nights, eats and drinks moderately, drinks 12 cups of Starbucks coffee, gets a ticket to the big game, and nails two hookers: $4,874…

 

 

 

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