Go Bara Like This Melissa McCarthy Elephant Or Go To Home This Weekend, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Listen, bro. I check out this movie Identity Thief on the HBO last night, and I have to say that this Melissa McCarthy has to be funniest fat woman I have ever seen, my friend. But she would not be welcome back in Howrah, bro. There would just be too many fear that she would eat entire winter supply of goat meat, and there is no way that rickshaw driver could transport her without destroying of back. She is what we call bara (big) in my country, and that is exactly what you have to be when you are betting on the AFC and NFC Championship Game, bro.

Here is what I am thinking this weekend, bro:

San Francisco at Seattle (-3.5), Seattle -190, and UNDER 41 Points

Check it out, bro. The last two games these teams play in Seattle, the 49er offense was able to put a total of  16 point on the scoreboard, my friend. In fact, even when these teams meet away from CenturyLink Field, the 49er offense put up an average of just 16 point per game. Basically, my cousin Gokul and his baby left arm have better chance of getting in threesome with two attractive American girlies than 49er offense has of putting up more than 13 point on this Seattle defense, my friend. I’m telling you, bro. The key word there is attractive. I have no doubt that he could have sex with two American trolls even with his Cabbage Patch left arm, bro. Some of these American girlies will put anything in their poon, my friend. Sick shit, bro. But anyway, when you are locking and loading this weekend, make sure you put most of your cash on Seattle. This one should be over by third quarter, bro…

New England (+5.5) at Denver, Denver -250, and OVER 57.5 Points

I’m telling you, bro. This one is going to be bigger shootout than an average day at American high school. Everybody think that this New England team is a running team now, my friend. But without this Von Miller guy and Chris Harris guy on the Denver defense, New England will be taking more shots downfield than my Uncle Omkar take of Jim Beam. And let me tell you, my friend, Omkar had problem. With the Patriot scoring so many point, it will force Denver to keep up with their high-pace offense, and this Peyton Manning will not disappoint, bro. And with both offense trading touchdowns, the 5 1/2 point spread will be just too much to keep up with. I like Denver to win game because they score more often than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and that bitch was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. But that spread is just too damn big like this Melissa McCarthy, my friend…

Last Week: 4-3-1

Season: 96-116-2

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