by Tommy Gimler
Hot damn! We’ve had so much fun writing about turd head coach Mike Smith and breaking down tailgating fights that we haven’t taken a peak at our inbox lately, and let’s just say it’s ballooned into something almost as big as Chris Christie.
Q: Hey DUD! Did you see the Sports Illustrated cover with the Upton Brothers and Kate Upton on it? It literally was just like my fantasy baseball team name Kate Justin & BJ:
Jeff in Dallas, TX
The DUD: Hey, way to go, dork. Ironically, the only one with talent on that cover is Kate.
Jeff: Yeah, she sucks all of talent out of everybody she meets. I mean, look what happened to Justin Verlander. Looks like he left every ounce of the talent he had all over her face.
The DUD: Hahaha. I think you just made the mailbag…
Q: Hey DUD! Another guy on the Buccaneers is out because of a staph infection. Surely, you must have a joke for this.
Mike in Minneapolis, MN
The DUD: Shit, have you been to Tampa? They should feel fortunate some form of incurable syphilis isn’t mixed in with that shit. Dirty fucking town, dude…
Q: My fucking goodness. This kid is practically jailbait (he is only 19) and he just scored more in one game than most kids score in a year. And what’s more, he does it in fucking style. Check out this insane goal. If he keeps this shit up, he will soon leapfrog Patrick Kane in the line up of people ready to plow your sister…and knowing this kid, he would fake her out and stick it in her ass before she even knew what was happening…
Teddy in Chicago, IL
The DUD: You think Tomas Hertl would be the first one to fake out my sister and throw one in her ass? Our intern is on it, but I think that’s how she met her husband…
Q: The Pirates are playing the Cardinals tonight, but it’s in St. Louis. Do you think they can win?
Johnny in Franklin, TN
The DUD: Nope.
Q: When am I gonna get a Nate burleson article?! Broke his arm in a car wreck reaching for a pizza?! I had him starting in my idiots league!
Brian in Middletown, DE
The DUD: Should have just picked up a DiGiorno. So, idiots league, hey? We’re assuming the number one pick was Skip Bayless…
Q: Hey DUD! I was watching the Tigers-Athletics game yesterday, and Justin Verlander must have licked his fingers at least thirty times in the sixth inning. You would think these guys get sick more often, right?
Brian in Santa Monica, CA
The DUD: I hear you on that. But then again, you never really heard of Charlie Sheen getting sick very often, and he had his tongue in some pretty dirty places on a regular basis…