Not So Fast Jacksonville And Oakland, The Cleveland Browns Have Announced They Are Committed To Becoming The Most Pathetic Team In The NFL

upset browns fans

by Tommy Gimler

Apparently the Cleveland Browns front office and scouting personnel feel acquiring Jadeveon Clowney is worth throwing away their entire 2013 season, as they have traded last year’s rookie sensation Trent Richardson to the Indianapolis Colts for just one first-round draft pick.

Or maybe we should wait to hear if Browns GM Michael Lombardi accidentally hit the wrong button when his computer asked him, “Are you sure you want to trade away your only offensive threat, last year’s third overall draft pick Trent Richardson for what will probably wind up being the 20th overall draft pick next year and that’s it?” Because if that isn’t the case, then Michael Lombardi should be looking for a new job this time tomorrow.

I mean, when he’s not trading away star running backs for peanuts, this must be a typical day in the office for Lombardi:

Family Guy – Peter and the pencil sharpener

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Either that, or maybe new Browns owner Jimmy Haslam, who once said he was “one thousand percent a Steelers fan,” is doing whatever it takes to make sure Pittsburgh gets at least two victories this year. Or maybe Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay got his hands on some incriminating photos of Browns CEO Joe Banner ass-fucking a couple of goats one drunken night somewhere outside of Medina, Ohio and demanded his prized running back in exchange for his silence.

It has to be something crazy like that, because why else would you trade a guy, who when you give him at least 20 carries in a game, goes for just under 100 yards and your team wins three of five games? Why would you trade a guy who set your franchise’s rookie record for rushing touchdowns last year? Why would you trade a guy who ran for six of those touchdowns in the final five games, a sign that maybe the glass in Cleveland for the first time in a decade was half full? And why would you trade him for what will most likely turn out to be just a mid-to-late first round draft pick next year?

The answer is that the Cleveland Browns are a fucking joke.

Since returning to the NFL in 1999, the Browns have mustered just two winning seasons and one postseason appearance. Over the last twelve years, Browns GMs have wasted first round draft picks on a crazy drunken running back, a center who was traded away three years later, a tight end who cared more about their motorcycles than playing football, a wide receiver who couldn’t catch, and two quarterbacks who were, well, just terrible.

And with a current front office with as much direction and foresight as Amy Winehouse, it’s safe to say that Browns fans have yet to see rock bottom. In fact, the Browns also announced today that Brian Hoyer (yeah that Brian Hoyer, as in, “Who in the fuck is Brian Hoyer?”) and not Jason Campbell will be starting at quarterback this Sunday against Minnesota.

Stay tuned, Browns fans. It’s only a matter of time before Lombardi trades Joe Thomas straight up for Christian Ponder…

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3 Responses to Not So Fast Jacksonville And Oakland, The Cleveland Browns Have Announced They Are Committed To Becoming The Most Pathetic Team In The NFL

  1. Tim Kulik says:

    Nailed it bro

  2. JC says:

    Go Browns!
    After they beat the Bengals this weekend and are sitting at 2-2 the so called experts might be saying this was the greatest trade in NFL history

  3. David says:

    Don’t you just look silly. Browns wrecked the colts with that trade.

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