I Feel Like I Got Kicked By A Mule, And It Hurts

latroy hawkins

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s face it. Watching a grown man take a shot to his pills is hysterical, unless of course you are that grown man.

New York Mets closer LaTroy Hawkins entered last night’s game in the bottom of the ninth inning with a 2-0 lead over the Los Angeles Dodgers. But by the time the inning was over, the Mets no longer had the lead and Hawkins no longer had his coins in the right purse.

After giving up a leadoff single to Mark Ellis, Jerry Hairston hit one back up the middle. Hawkins fell to his knees to field it, only it wasn’t with his glove:

Yeah, that probably felt about as good as the quality of this video.

Hawkins would somehow manage to stay in the game, which is beyond honorable since I would have been calling for my last rites after taking a shot like that to my giblets. But the Dodgers’ next hitter, Andre Ethier, hit a two-run bomb that tied the game, and for a player like Hawkins, that probably hurt almost as bad as the nut shot.

The Mets would eventually lose the game in twelve innings. Meanwhile, Hawkins would make us lose it after issuing this quote:

It was a direct hit — no cup. When I lifted my leg, I could feel my balls in my throat, but I thought I could get through it. I feel like I got kicked by a mule, and it hurts.

It would take Hawkins quite a while before he could muster the strength to stand after talking to reporters, and according to Deadspin, the pain was so bad that he had to be carried out to the team bus on a cart.

On a lighter note, we’ll keep our intern on it to see if Hawkins wins a Pulitzer for that quote. In the meantime, answer our poll, you hookers:

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