Clayton Kershaw Is Your NL MVP, Can Plow My Sister

Clayton Kershaw

by Tommy Gimler

Just like Taylor Swift attempting to sing in tune, the race for the National League’s MVP isn’t even close.

Only nine pitchers since 1960 have been crowned their respective league’s Most Valuable Player, with Justin Verlander being the most recent to do so in 2011. No National League pitcher has taken home the honor since Bob Gibson in 1968, and no southpaw on the Senior Circuit has done it since Sandy Koufax in 1963.

But thanks to Clayton Kershaw, those numbers are about to be almost as worthless as Blaine Gabbert.

To say Kershaw’s 2013 campaign has been remarkable would be a bigger understatement than calling Tara Reid a useless slab of skin and silicon. After throwing eight more shutout innings against the pig shit Marlins today, Kershaw lowered his MLB-best ERA to an Irish prick-like 1.72. His mark for the month of August is 1.23. Since the All-Star break, it’s 1.20. In fact, Kershaw has posted an ERA north of 2 in only one month this season. That was back in June, when he was yielding a pathetic 2.65 earned runs per nine innings.

And it’s not just in the ERA department where Kershaw is absolutely killing it. His 0.86 WHIP is the best mark in all of baseball, as is his WAR of 6.6. Nobody has started more games or thrown more innings. Nobody has more quality starts. Opponents are batting .182 against him, getting on base at a .230 mark against him, and slugging .264 against him. All of those totals are MLB lows, as is (obviously) the .494 OPS against him. And his 188 strikeouts are tops in the National League.

Granted, the Dodgers still have 35 games left, meaning Kershaw has about seven starts remaining. Anything can happen, but since he has only given up more than three earned runs twice all year, had just two starts of less than six innings of work, and struck out at least five hitters in every game except two, we’ll give him the benefit of doubt that he can keep this going into October. On top of that, outside of maybe Andrew McCutchen and Paul Goldschmidt, nobody else in the National League has a resume that comes close to giving Kershaw a run for his money.

Baseball writers are weird fucking dorks, so you never know how something as historical as Kershaw’s 2013 season will sit with them. The one thing that is certain is that your NL MVP is not Rickie Weeks…

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