Customers Waiting In Line For LeBron’s New Shoes “Salute The Homie” Who Shot And Killed A Man Trying To Rob Them

Taylor White

by Tommy Gimler

Outstanding video out of Atlanta this weekend, as some ass clown thought he could rob over two dozen people waiting in line to purchase LeBron James’ new shoes but instead was shot and killed by another thug in line who was also packing.

We’ll quickly set the stage before you check out this must-see video from Channel 2 News in Hotlanta.

Nike is apparently still paying seven-year-old Chinese kids to make shoes for less than twelve cents an hour and then selling them for $180 to American consumers. And to make these shoes a “must have,” they attach the best basketball player in the world’s name to them. Then, to make them even hotter, they release them in a limited quantity. Thus, you have a bunch of unemployed dudes who have somehow scraped together $180 camping out in line to be the first to wear LeBron James’ new shoes. And scene:

Like an amino fucking acid, let’s break this down…

The DUD Breakdown

1) At the :02 mark, we also have a new development. We’d like to plow Wendy Corona…

2) At the :19 mark, we see that initial reports of over two dozen people waiting in line were incorrect. It looks like two dozen people were waiting in line and one guy was too goddamn fat to do that, so he is sitting/passed out off to the right of the screen. Hey, hey, hey…

3) At the :30 mark, he has our back to us, but we think that might be one-half of Kid ‘n Play fourth in line to get some new ‘Bron kicks…

4) At the :34, we have the pleasure of meeting Taylor White, who has been waiting in line since Monday to get himself some new LeBron sneaks. Why is he going to such an extreme to buy this set of $180 shoes? You guessed it. It’s because LeBron is so damn “markable.”

5) At the :45 mark, White explains that he couldn’t believe the robber would even attempt to jack all of these fools in the first place, thinking that it’s “Candy Land” up in this mother. Boy, would this guy be embarrassed if he was still alive. I mean, thinking that these guys had rainbow lollipops and shit he could gank. We can understand the confusion, though. After all, Wish Clothing does look an awful lot like the Peanut Brittle House…

6) We’ve never been on the doorsteps to hell. Actually, we take that back. We were in Houston last year. But we’re sure the real entrance to the underworld looks a lot like the building on the opposite corner of Wish Clothing, where if you walk through the doors, you’re walking into the mouth of a giant skull. Check it out at the :50 mark. The name of the joint is The Vortex Bar & Grill, and it looks like a great place for a burger, beer, and rape…

7) At the 1:00 mark, White says that the robber wanted to pickpocket everybody, but “the people out here weren’t going for none of that.” Well, leave it to us to be the first ones to call bull shit on that. As in every robbery, we’re sure that there was at least one guy who did go for some of that and had his wallet out and in the air for the taking…

8 ) Finally, at the 1:15 mark, White wants the “homie” who shot the would-be robber to know that he “salutes” him. We don’t know this homie, but we’re pretty sure he would tell White and the rest of the gang still waiting in line that he doesn’t need any salutes. But he probably wouldn’t mind a new set of sneaks…

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2 Responses to Customers Waiting In Line For LeBron’s New Shoes “Salute The Homie” Who Shot And Killed A Man Trying To Rob Them

  1. Spooner says:

    I’m sure Mr. White has a story about the scar that traverses his left eye. Probably happened in Candyland over a gram of rock…candy.

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