That Motherfucker Fucked Your Wife

that motherfucker fucked your wife

by Tommy Gimler

It’s not the trash talking from a guy who played zero minutes in last night’s Celtics-Knicks game that is news. After all, this is the NBA we’re talking about, where guys talk shit after hitting a pre-game layup. But the fact that for the second time this season a Celtics player has accused Carmelo Anthony’s wife of being a dirty, dirty whore, well now, that’s something to talk about.

For those who aren’t up to speed with current NBA players and their wives or fall in the “I could give two flying fucks” boat that we’re in, Carmelo Anthony is married to La La Vasquez (now Anthony), a reality TV star, which is pretty much the equivalent to being married to reusable diaper.

According to numerous online reports, Carmelo and La La haven’t been spending much time together for the last six months, and Kevin Garnett hammered that fact home when the Celtics and Knicks clashed earlier this year when he said that Vasquez tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios. Anthony flipped his shit, both players received technical fouls, and Anthony later confronted Garnett outside the Celtics’ team bus, which is strange since it sounded like a compliment to us, as Honey Nut Cheerios are fucking delicious.

Fast forward to last night after the Celtics embarrassed the Knicks on their home court during Game 5 of their Eastern Conference playoff series. As Anthony begins to make his way off the court, he begins to jaw with Celtics scrub Jordan Crawford, who had plenty of time to come up with something clever to say after spending zero minutes on the court. And what exactly was that? You guessed it. That motherfucker fucked your wife

Great work by the crew at TNT as their superb camera angles caught everything, and they were able to slow them down enough for us to break this bitch down…

The DUD Breakdown

1) Speaking of fucking broads, how about a big round of applause for TNT’s Marv Albert, who has been able to stay out of the news for wearing women’s panties and biting chicks for over twelve years now…

2) If you pause it just right at the :06 mark, it makes it look as though Celtics assistant coach Tyronn Lue has some kind of retard thing going on. He doesn’t, but D.J. White might if he keeps holding his mouth at such a crooked angle…

3) At the :09 mark, we see the only guy with seats that close to the court who actually wears the free NBA shirts that are pumped into the crowd by the marketing interns between quarters…

4) It’s also here that we see one half of Kid ‘n Play is playing for the Knicks and wears the number 21 on his jersey…

5) At the :18 mark, we can’t see their faces and we know nothing about the guys in the crowd behind Kevin Garnett. But if we had to guess which on them was a homosexual, we would say the guy with the tucked-in cowboy/disco shirt…

6) At the :21 mark, if you’re looking for a man touching another man’s shoulder and slowly sliding it down to his tit outside of the clothing, you’ll see it in the background. It’s the guy in the long-sleeved white shirt who looks like the real life Milhouse from The Simpsons

7) At the :23 mark, look at the size of the guy behind Mike Woodson. Holy shit. You don’t have to finish every plate at the buffet, pal. If there is one guy we refuse to sit next to on the team flight to Boston, it’s that Marlon Brando-eque fucker right there…

8 ) At the :27 mark, we witness NBA history. That has to be the first time ever that Rasheed Wallace, sporting the same tan and taupe suit suit made famous by Ted Stroehmann in There’s Something About Mary, has been that close to a fight that he hasn’t started…

9) At the :35 mark, we see that somebody actually bought a “Nueva York” jerseys that the NBA sells as part of their “Latino Nights.” You can read more about that horse shit here. If you can’t see the jersey we’re referring to in this video, it’s on the girl sitting next to the Amish guy…

10) Steve Kerr was a hell of 3-point shooter in his day, but he threw up an air ball on his analysis of this quarrel. It’s obvious that it started when Crawford told Anthony that Garnett, who Crawford refers to as “that motherfucker,” fucked his wife. Raymond Felton, much like when he’s on the court, didn’t really matter until the important stuff was over…

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