Goat Head Sent to Wrigley Field, Justin Bieber And Taylor Swift Switch Mugs, And A Broad Wins The DUD Bracket Challenge
by Tommy Gimler
Our latest mailbag is pretty disgusting. I mean, apparently there is a way to make Taylor Swift worse.
Q: Hey DUD! Did you see that somebody sent a severed goat’s head to Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts at Wrigley Field?
Tim in Sausalito, CA
The DUD: No note was left in the box with the head, so it’s hard to say for sure what the real purpose was behind the package. We think that it could be one of three things. It could be from an ignorant Cubs fan thinking this is a way to kill “The Curse of the Billy Goat.” It could be from a group of pissed of rooftop owners in response to the Ricketts’ proposed Wrigley Field renovations that will screw with their views of the games. Or it could have been sent as an April Fool’s Day joke, but since the USPS is in such disarray, it didn’t get there until April 10th.
Whatever the reason, sources close to the story say that when the package was delivered, Ricketts became very distraught when Chicago police wouldn’t tell him what was in the box:
Q: Hey DUD! Not sure if you can work with this, but it is still funny:
Jeffrey in Los Angeles, CA
The DUD: Thanks for proving us wrong, Jeff. We thought that after listening to Taylor Swift’s attempts at singing, there was nothing we could see from her that would make her any worse. Until this. However, this face swap shows us that if they ever decide to remake Boys Don’t Cry, Taylor Swift would be a perfect fit to play the role Hilary Swank won an Oscar for:
Only because it’s Taylor Swift this time around, it would go down as one of the worst movies of all-time, even worse than The Adventures of Pluto Nash, and that was pretty fucking terrible.
Q: I really resent the fact that you just called one of the biggest names in music at the current moment an overpaid piece of shit, and really can’t believe it. The fact that she is one of the most gracious, selfless stars out there right now shows just how wrong and stupid you are for writing this article.
Holly, location unknown
The DUD: I really resent the fact that you think because Taylor Swift is one of the biggest names in music at the current moment, that I can’t call her an overpaid piece of shit. The gents from Milli Vanilli were also at one time some of the biggest names in music, and they were overpaid pieces of shit. Taylor Swift is no different than these ass clowns, except she actually sings (which is rather unfortunate for people like us who have ears that function properly). Now, I’m sure you have better things to do than leave comments on a sports blog story that ran almost a month and half ago, like studying for your University of Phoenix degree, updating your ChristianMingle.com profile, or searching Google at 3am for any story related to the overpaid piece of shit known as Taylor Swift. But thanks for being a statistic.
Q: Hey DUD! My girlfriend won your NCAA Bracket Challenge. Meanwhile, I finished 46th. What does this mean?
Jereme in Arlington, VA
The DUD: Don’t feel bad, bro. Our entry finished 67th. Maybe next year, we should be the ones filling out our brackets based on which teams have better uniform colors…