by Tommy Gimler
Lil Wayne was banned from all NBA functions last week, but that didn’t stop him from making an appearance last night in the shithole known as Houston. That’s where Wayne went on a somewhat intelligible rant about the NBA and Miami Heat. Oh, and sticking his penis inside Chris Bosh’s wife.
The DUD Breakdown
1) Let’s start with rest of the guys on the stage with this piece of pig shit. You have the Cee Lo Green looking mother fucker in the white suit to Wayne’s left. We’ll call him Black Uncle Fester. While he does have a microphone in his hand, he never speaks, rendering that microphone useless. His sole responsibility on this night is to reiterate how Lil Wayne feels about the Miami Heat by giving the middle finger at the :23 mark then sway back and forth to the anti-NBA poetry spewing from Wayne’s mouth with no beat behind it. When the music does finally kick in, he holds his arms out as to say, “Look at how awesome I am, mother fucker,” even though from everything we’ve seen, he’s almost as worthless of a human being as Skip Bayless. And then there’s the other dude in the blue jacket who apparently goes by the name Jersey and seems pretty confused about what’s in the bottom of his cup, but he just says, “Fuck it,” and takes it down anyway. Then he just turns his back on the crowd for pretty much the rest of the video, and somehow, this clown will get a paycheck for this.
2) After listening to this idiot set his people back a hundred years, do you think the security guard on the right side of the screen who looks like John Cena was contemplating whether or not he would actually take action if a crazed fan and/or Chris Bosh jumped on stage and strangled this turd with his dreadlocks?
3) According to Lil Wayne at the :14 mark, the NBA is made up of “niggers.” At press time, there was no response yet from Jimmer Fredette’s camp.
4) Maybe I’m just getting old, but I wasn’t able to “finish having a good time” by saying “NBA” and “Miami Heat” after Lil Wayne said “fuck.”
5) Apparently it’s no longer cool in the rap game to use or pronounce an apostrophe and s to indicate possession.
6) Is anybody scrambling to buy Lil Wayne concert tickets after seeing the last twenty seconds of this video? I think it’s a fair assumption that if NASA would have put a Lil Wayne song on the gold album it sent into space in 1977, an alien race would have destroyed our planet by now.
Lil Wayne is one ugly mother fucker. He’s the black Clint Howard, and it’s hard to imagine any woman craving sexual relations of any kind with him. But I would find his shocking claim of plowing Chris Bosh’s wife a lot easier to shoot down if he would have instead said Marco Jaric’s wife Adriana Lima:
Or J.J. Barea’s wife Zuleyka Rivera:
Or Devin Harris’s girlfriend Meghan Allen:
But instead, he says he was bumping uglies with Adrienne Williams Bosh:
However, after watching TMZ’s video, if you’re taking anything from that footage and using it to back up your argument that this guy
is laying cable in anything hotter than this
then you’re just as much of a douche as he is…