by Tommy Gimler
According to NFL.com, Commissioner Roger Goodell had strongly considered canceling the Pro Bowl unless he saw an improved level of effort and quality on the field. And while the product on the field yesterday was somewhat improved over years past, there was definitely no shortage of intensity in the stands. In fact, it was hard to distinguish whether we were watching the NFL’s version of an All-Star Game or just another regular season Oakland Raiders home game.
Check this shit out:
The DUD Breakdown
1) When my brother-in-law first told me to check out the video, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the broad in yellow. Not only does she look like she’s pretty fucking hot, but she does a remarkable job holding on to her frat party cup of suds while the fight starts to break out. But then just ten seconds later, she throws it on the epicenter hoping to break it up. There’s a $13 dollar mistake. Well, either that or she didn’t care because it was just Miller Genuine Draft.
2) Hey, at least she made more of an effort to break it up than the police. I mean, shit guys. They just stood around and watched like it was two chicks scissoring each other and not an all-out melee in Section 106. The first cops don’t arrive in the stands until over a minute after the fight breaks out, and the only reason Andre Johnson was pulled away by security personnel was because he fell onto the field.
3) It’s hard to tell for sure, but that might actually be Aaron Brooks.
4) The 29-second mark serves as a friendly reminder for all women to stay the fuck out of fights. Watch as the long-haired broad in the gray hoodie with a piece of luggage for a purse gets bum rushed by a guy who hopefully won’t reproduce. That guy eventually gets pushed onto the field by Aaron Brooks, and the broad somehow walks away uninjured, meaning she probably hasn’t learned her lesson and will try to break up another fight next weekend.
5) Seriously, what do you need to have on you at all times that requires a purse that most airlines would ask you to check? Unless she’s got like two dozen tampons because she’s on her period and she’s a hemophiliac, that five-gallon handbag is unnecessary. But if you do have a piece of pleather that big and a fight breaks out and you decide to get involved, if you want to make a difference, give that fucker a swing or two instead of cautiously reaching out and asking the guys to stop.
6) While we’re on the topic of the broad in the gray hoodie, go to the 16-second mark and watch as she coughs into her right hand and then puts it on her friend’s back. Remember in that episode of Mr. Belvedere when people thought that you could get AIDS from that? Hilarious.
7) Finally, at the 1:02 mark, it becomes a real fight when one guy takes his shirt off.
8 ) At the 1:10 mark, this is the most concerned the NFL players have been about anything all game.
9) Hines Ward gets pretty pissed off at the 1:22 mark. Let’s break that down for a second. When was the last time you saw an Asian person get pissed? The blonde-haired fellow from Rush Hour maybe? What a rarity! Also, it looks like we found the one Asian dude on the island who isn’t a chain smoker. That’s the fattest Asian I’ve ever seen outside of a sumo wrestling ring.
10) Yup, that chick in the yellow is hot. Go to the 2-minute mark. Well, if she’s at least 18, then she’s hot…