So Apparently It Wasn’t Just The Miracle Work Of His Lord Savior Jesus Christ
by Tommy Gimler
Is anybody really that shocked by the Sports Illustrated report of Ray Lewis taking a banned substance to speed up his recovery from a torn triceps muscle? It’s really the equivalent of me telling you that Dolly Parton’s tits are fake. The man tore his triceps muscle completely, and the fact that he was back on an NFL field less than three months after a complete tear was nothing short of a miracle, one that Lewis credited to his hard work and faith. It could have been that. Well, that and a shit ton of deer-antler spray that contains the banned substance IGF-1. Hallelujah!
In their upcoming February 4th edition, Sports Illustrated interviewed the owners of a company named S.W.A.T.S. (Sports With Alternatives To Steroids). Along with mentioning the requests and usage of their products by both the LSU Tigers and Alabama Crimson Tide during the 2011 college football season, they detail the requests made by Ray Lewis this past October as well as his usage.
The Sports Illustrated article continued with some pretty damning testimony from Ross:
Ross prescribed a deluxe program, including holographic stickers on the right elbow; copious quantities of the powder additive; sleeping in front of a beam-ray light programmed with frequencies for tissue regeneration and pain relief; drinking negatively charged water; a 10-per-day regimen of the deer-antler pills that will “rebuild your brain via your small intestines” (and which Lewis said he hadn’t been taking, then swallowed four during the conversation); and spritzes of deer-antler velvet extract (the Ultimate Spray) every two hours.
“Spray on my elbow every two hours?” Lewis asked.
“No,” Ross said, “under your tongue.”
Toward the end of the talk, Lewis asked Ross to “just pile me up and just send me everything you got, because I got to get back on this this week.”
You can read the entire Sports Illustrated article by clicking here.
Now, if you’re like me, you’ve been drinking a shit ton since Thanksgiving, and you may have forgotten how the saga of Ray Lewis’s 2012/13 season came to be. Here’s a brief timeline, with help from Bleacher Report and RotoWorld, to get you up to speed:
October 14th, 2012 - Ray Lewis tears his right triceps muscle in a 31-29 victory. This is the only moment of the season in which he doesn’t give thanks to Jesus Christ.
October 15th, 2012 - ProFootballTalk and Jay Glazer of Fox Sports report that an MRI revealed a complete tear of his right triceps muscle, meaning Lewis is done for the year.
October 15th, 2012 - The Baltimore Ravens’ Twitter feed @Ravens, which surprisingly isn’t sponsored by syphilis, announces: #Ravens LB Ray Lewis has a triceps tear. Complete tear. He’s out for the rest of the year.
October 17th, 2012 - Ray Lewis undergoes surgery on his torn triceps. The Ravens announce they are placing Lewis on injured reserve with the recall designation, meaning he would be eligible to return in eight weeks if he somehow gets healthy.
October 18th, 2012 - Judy Battista of The New York Times posts an article about what the Ravens can expect with Lewis’s injury. Jonathan Glashow, an orthopedic surgeon and the co-chairman of sports medicine at New York’s Mount Sinai Medical Center, says that Lewis returning this season is wishful thinking since a triceps tendon is not fully healed for three months, and that does not include the time it would take Lewis to regain the normal strength in his arm.
November 26th, 2012 - Michael Silver of Yahoo! Sports reports that Ray Lewis might be back on the field as early as the December 16th game against Denver, just eight weeks after completely tearing his triceps muscle. I text a friend asking them how nobody is questioning PED use. He doesn’t care.
December 5th, 2012 - The Baltimore Sun reports that Ray Lewis is practicing 6 1/2 weeks after completely tearing his triceps muscle.
December 26th, 2012 - The Ravens activate Ray Lewis but say that he won’t play in the regular season finale against the Bengals, probably because their roster is made up of untrustworthy felons.
January 2nd, 2013 - Ray Lewis tells his team, “This will be my last ride. I’ve ran my course.” We don’t have any sources who have confirmed this, but he references God and Jesus Christ more times than they are mentioned in the King James Bible.
January 6th, 2013 - Ray Lewis takes the field less than three months after completely tearing his right triceps muscle, and he’s not invisible on the field like A.J. Hawk of the Green Bay Packers. He leads the team with 13 tackles against the Indianapolis Colts.
January 29th, 2013 - Sports Illustrated releases their article online, naming Ray Lewis as a client of S.W.A.T.S. Even though the article is set to hit newsstands on February 4th of this year, Ray Lewis refuses to talk about it, calling it an “article that is two years old.” The Ravens release a statement stating that Lewis has never failed a drug test.
The DUD Breakdown
1) To be fair to Ray Lewis, one of the owners of S.W.A.T.S. is Mike Ross. He’s a former stripper, steroids user, and dealer of stolen steroids, not a scientist. But Ray Lewis was also on trial for first-degree murder 13 years ago, a murder that still hasn’t been solved. Both men now say they have found Christ, so I guess we can establish that both of them are equally trustworthy and/or full of shit.
2) But here is video of Hue Jackson acknowledging that he not only gave the stickers to the Ravens, but he also gave the spray to Ray Lewis. Go to the 2:25 mark for the spray acknowledgement:
3) Ray Lewis had acknowledged a connection to S.W.A.T.S. but only through former Ravens quarterbacks coach Hue Jackson. But then, according to the SI article, here is what Lewis told them in regards to S.W.A.T.S. and his triceps injury:
Lewis had not talked to media for 10 weeks while he rehabbed his injury. Asked by SI if he had worked with Key and Ross during his recovery, he initially demurred. “I didn’t work with them personally this time,” he said.
When pressed, Lewis said, “Nobody helped me out with the rehab. I’ve been doing S.W.A.T.S. for a couple years through Hue Jackson, that’s it. That’s my only connection to them.”
Asked if he had talked to Ross the night of his injury, Lewis replied, “I told him to send me some more of the regular stuff, the S.W.A.T.S., the stickers or whatever.”
And did they help?
“I think a lot of things helped me.”
Does anybody else see the problem with this statement here? First Lewis is telling the media that his only connection with S.W.A.T.S. was through Hue Jackson, not with the owners Key and Ross. But when they ask him if he talked directly with Ross the night of his injury, he responded with a “yes.” How has nobody else in the media picked up on this?
If it was just a former stripper and stolen steroids dealer telling me that Ray Lewis took his deer-antler spray that contains a substance banned by the NFL to help him miraculously get on the field less than three months after completely tearing his triceps muscle, I would be fairly skeptical. But here we have not only former Ravens quarterbacks coach Hue Jackson telling us that he gave stickers and spray to Ray Lewis as well as Lewis himself acknowledging his use of S.W.A.T.S. products. What’s makes things even worse for Lewis is that his statements to SI contradict themselves, calling into question his truthfulness in regards to the matter. And for the Ravens to come out with just the defense that Ray Lewis has never failed a drug test, and nothing more is pretty shotty. Lance Armstrong didn’t fail any drug tests either.
Ray Lewis might be one of the greatest middle linebackers to ever play the game, but he’s had help for at least the last couple of years by taking S.W.A.T.S. products, some of them containing a banned substance. For Lewis to just shake off the story and hope it goes away, that’s some wishful thinking. And for any of us to believe that he’ll be the only player on that field this Sunday who has taken a banned substance to get there, well, we would be just as naive as him…