by Tommy Gimler
Like Manti Te’o's play in the National Championship game, the portrayal of him being a victim in this “girlfriend hoax” is a fucking joke.
There are plenty of holes in Te’o's “I’m a victim” story. There’s his botching of which brother told him that his fake girlfriend died of leukemia. Was it his brother or a fake one? Then there’s the fact that he was still answering reporters’ questions about Lennay Kekua days before the January 7th National Championship game even though Notre Dame said in a statement yesterday that he approached his coaches with information of the hoax on December 26th.
Either way, you’re taking one of the following three stances on the Te’o situation:
Stance #1: Manti Te’o was the victim of a disgusting hoax.
Stance #2: Manti Te’o is a deceitful turd.
Stance #3: Who in the hell is Manti Te’o? I’m here looking for instructions on how to perform an upper decker.
Like every story that gets this much national attention, there is no shortage of Manti Te’o jokes circulating around the web today. Hell, they might be the only things associated with Te’o that actually exist. And no matter what stance you’re taking on the matter, you should get a good chuckle from most of them:
From Emily Noonan (@EmilyNoonan):
AJ McCarron’s girlfriend will be featured in an SI Swimsuit issue. Manti Te’o's girlfriend will be featured on Myth Busters.
From The Sports Junkie (@Handsome1819):
An AMBER ALERT has been issued for Manti Te’o's girlfriend. Please look closely at the pic so we can ID her. @NFLRT pic.twitter.com/3p8XHskl:
From Mark Titus (@clubtrillion):
Protip: Get your Te’o jersey now. By the time Halloween rolls around, you’ll forget about this and blow the chance to be Te’o & his fake GF.
From Jerome Solomon of The Houston Chronicle (@JeromeSolomon):
Don’t believe a person can be as gullible as Te’o apparently claims he was? Why do you think Nigerian princes send so much email?
From DUD Reader Tom Greene:
From ABC News and PhotoBucket:
Brent Musburger still thinks Te’o’s girlfriend is fine as hell, though.
From DUD Reader Jeffrey Leinenkugel:
It turns out Te’o had 100 problems…since the bitch is one…
From DUD Reader Nick Brandl:
We may never know how many problems he had…
From DUD Reader Aaron Windham:
MTV wants Te’o for the next season of ‘CATFISH’
Karl Rove is reporting that Manti Te’o’s girlfriend still might be real.
From Josh Jones (@JaaaJones)
Y’all Te’o wasn’t missing tackles against Bama, he was hugging his girlfriend
From BroBible.com With A Heads Up From DUD Reader JD Scott:
And of course along with the news that Te’o's girlfriend never existed, rumors that the former Notre Dame linebacker is actually gay were soon to follow. If that is true, then Lance Armstrong might be the first one at Te’o's front door because we’re sure that no man loves Te’o more than he does right now…