Leroy Hill Provides A Mountain Of Points In Your Arrested Athletes Fantasy League

leroy hill

by Tommy Gimler

Thank Christ for Leroy Hill. It’s time we put to rest these ridiculous deer-antler spray, gay bashing, and retard stories from Super Bowl XLVII and just got back to some good old fashioned domestic abuse reports.

The Seattle Seahawks linebacker was arrested early yesterday morning on two different charges relating to domestic violence, including unlawful imprisonment and third degree assault. And while Leroy Hill might not be that big of a name, when he beat the shit out of a 26-year-old woman and held her hostage until he had to use the can, it meant big points for your CAGA (Current Athletes Getting Arrested) Fantasy League.

Here’s how you score this puppy:

Your athlete, in this case Leroy Hill, got arrested: 1 point

He’s a minority: minus 1 point

Cha-ching! It was a felony: 3 points

Did we say a felony? Try two of them, bitch: 3 points

But he had a prior record (fourth arrest in eight years, already been suspended by the NFL once before): minus 1 point

“Thug-O-Meter” (how gangster was the crime) – hitting a female: minus 3 points

Weapon used – his fists, known to the rest of the world as Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary: 1 point

He didn’t turn himself in; arrested at his house: 3 points

Drama Queen: It took over eight hours to get Hill booked in jail from the time the Po-Po first showed up: 2 points

His house is on Cougar Ridge Drive, but the broad he beat and imprisoned was just 26 years old: minus 1 point

Shock value – Who in the fuck is Leroy Hill?: 2 point

Total Points For Leroy Hill getting arrested on two felony counts of unlawful imprisonment and assault: 9 points

The DUD Analysis

What a quality arrest for your CAGA Fantasy Team! However, after his fourth arrest in eight years, the odds of Leroy Hill playing another down in the NFL are pretty slim. I would say that Nancy Reagan has a better shot of doing a spread for Playboy than Hill does of joining another NFL squad. Our advice is to drop him immediately, but keep him on your radar for your FAGA (Former Athletes Getting Arrested) league, as this guy is obviously a few clowns short of a circus…

UPDATE: Mark Grace just got four months in prison for his second DUI. Let’s be honest, here. If Mark Fucking Grace gets four months in the hoosegow, then Leroy Hill might get 20 years for this racket. Here’s the Yahoo! story on Grace:


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