Is Colin Kaepernick James Lofton’s Son?

Colin Kaepernick James Lofton

by Tommy Gimler

Like suggesting that Taylor Swift actually possesses talent, the most interesting rumors often wind up having no merit. But when a friend of mine suggested that current 49ers stud quarterback Colin Kaepernick was actually the bastard son of Hall of Fame wide receiver James Lofton, it was just too juicy of a story to turn my back on.

The Rumor

On December 18th, 1986, James Lofton was at a Green Bay singles bar called The Top Shelf even though he was married and a father. He and a woman not named Beverly Lofton (his wife) made their way to an elevator, but that’s when the woman insisted Lofton instead forced her into a stairwell and made her perform what was known in the 1980′s as a “sex act.”

The result of that interaction was Colin, who was born the following year in Milwaukee, adopted by the Kaepernicks, and raised for several years in New London, WI until the family moved west to California for the remainder of his childhood.

People who insist this is true cite how closely Kaepernick resembles a young James Lofton:

The DUD Breakdown

1) Let’s start with the pictures, shall we? They’re both professional football players with a dark skin tone. So, by that rationale, I guess we should we also assume then that Ice Cube is the father of Earl Sweatshirt. I mean, after all, both are black rappers from Los Angeles.

2) Kaepernick was born on November 3, 1987. That was roughly 10 1/2 months after the alleged sex act between Lofton and his accuser.

3) Kaepernick was born in Milwaukee. Lofton’s accuser and Kaepernick’s supposed mother was from Michigan. Lofton and his wife did have a house in Milwaukee, but before you open your fat piehole and let out an “ah-hah,” let’s dive even further into this.

4) Lofton himself admitted that his accuser gave him a beej in the stairwell, but no actual plowing, essential for conceiving a child on this planet unless you are in a fertility clinic or a Christian. Even the Brown County prosecutor was seeking a conviction on second degree sexual assault charges, not first degree. By Wisconsin law, if a pregnancy would have resulted from the assault, Lofton would have gone to trial for first degree sexual assault.

5) Just a quick side note to the trial, Lofton was found not guilty by a jury of Packers fans from Rock County.

6) Kaepernick’s birth mother is Heidi Russo, and she lived in Milwaukee at the time of her unplanned pregnancy and eventual birth of her son. She was 18 when she was knocked up and 19 at the time of her delivery. Here is a Yahoo! article about her from last month: http://sports.yahoo.com/news/nfl–birth-mother-still-trying-to-connect-with-new-49ers-starting-qb-colin-kaepernick-052911423.html

The DUD Conclusion

Colin Kaepernick is not the end result of James Lofton sexually assaulting a woman in a Green Bay stairwell. Well, unless a Milwaukee woman named Heidi Russo was the Iron Mountain woman who gave Lofton the beej after a night of underage drinking in a Green Bay singles bar and her fallopian tubes are connected to her throat and because of that abnormality, a child was conceived and was in her womb for 10 1/2 months. And if you believe that, as soon as you’re finished with your book about Elvis killing JFK, leave a comment below…

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15 Responses to Is Colin Kaepernick James Lofton’s Son?

  1. Jake Leannah says:

    Eh, seemed plausible. That was until the crack squad at the DUD dug deeper. So mouth babies isn’t a real thing, good to know.

  2. Mony Tandrich says:

    You could legally drink at that age in 1986 in WI. So maybe the other facts in your story are wrong

    • tgim says:

      Actually, “Mony,” the legal drinking age in Wisconsin was changed to 21 on September 1, 1986. Lofton got his beej on December 18, 1986. Go take your fucking roids and keep digging, but we think this bitch is air tight.

      • Jimmy Jam says:

        Actually the drinking was nineteen before the law change on September 1, 1986, but anyone who was already 19 could still legally drink in Wisconsin.

  3. chelio says:

    Kaepernick possesses the genetic makeup of a professional athlete 6’4″ 220 blazing speed, rifle arm and talent. None of these things can be taught, they are chromosomal and are very similar to Mr Lofton, and yes, they look similar in many ways. His birthmother was also a athletic three sport star at her high school and 5’10″, and knew Colin would be an athlete, making sure he was adopted by sport enthusiasts. She also knows who the father is and where he lives. She has the decency to keep that private since Lofton has a life that would be complicated enough by news like this,to motivate continued silence. Trying to make a connection with the incident at the Top Shelf misses the point completely. The greater point is Lofton was a womanizer with enumerable opportunities to impregnate any of the many young women who throw themselves at star athletes. Kaepernick’s seed is not some average black dude that a white girl from a small town picked up in the hood. That isnt how genetics work. So fuck you and your stupid ass farce of a publication.

    • kade says:

      I agree with you 1000%

      • TheMKEKid19 says:

        Russo HAS taken the high road. It’s known around these parts that CKs birth father is in fact JL. A well known womanizer, this was one of his (H)Oops babies. Another one of the dancers at that infamous now-begone State St tittybar had aborted. So yeah, I also 100% agree with Chelios.

  4. Cr3amCaddy says:

    What if the chick saved the sperm & froze it and inject it later. Maybe she was storer & not a swallower.

  5. peteR says:

    Lofton could have had another encounter with Colins real mother…doesn’t have to be the one that he was accused of rape!

  6. peteR says:

    Taylor Swift is a VERY talented songwriter…she can play an instrument and she tries to sing…more talent than most people.

  7. sitruc says:

    James Brown is DEAD

  8. chelio says:

    Lofton is Kap’s dad, period. I have sources that confirm 100%. It is surprising how quiet this has been kept. Partly cause of Lofton’s status as HOFer. He doesnt want this exposed at all. If you still have your doubts look up a picture of his ‘legitimate son’, Kap’s half brother.

  9. peteR says:

    The mom wasn’t this girl that was allegedly assulted..it was a girl from Antigo Loften met 1 1/2 months later!!!!

  10. Harry Hodag says:

    The assumption of the article is that Lofton had sex with only one other woman outside his marriage. As with most professional athletes, they have multiple opportunities to engage in coitus with multiple females throughout most of their careers. I find the resemblance rather close, and CK’s athleticism mimics Loftons at the same age.
    If you hang around the bars in Green Bay you hear all kinds of things about many players current and past.

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