The DUD’s Best Of 2012 – Oh, It’s OK If She Does It, I Guess

sarah jones

by Tommy Gimler

In October, we touched on the case of former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader turned teacher Sarah Jones, who managed to stay out of prison even after admitting to plowing one of her 17-year-old students. We were pissed for two reasons. One, it proved once again that if you’re a hot broad, you can get away with anything. Two, we were upset that she wasn’t our teacher:

You won’t find Dixie Heights High School in Crestview Hills, Kentucky on the list when it comes to America’s Top 1,000 high schools. But then again, it’s pretty hard to see the chalkboard when your teacher is sitting on your face.

Meet Sarah Jones, former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader turned high school teacher and probably the only person in America who loves Jerry Sandusky. Earlier this week, while the former Penn State University football coach was being sentenced to 30 to 60 years behind bars for molesting boys, Ms. Jones was accepting a plea deal that will probably keep her out of prison even though she admitted to nailing one of her then 17-year-old students.

So, for future reference, let me get this straight. If you’re a disgusting 68-year-old man and you go to town on boys aged 8 to 12 years old, you’ll spend the rest of your life in prison, and deservedly so. On a side note, I think this is an extremely light sentence. I think he should not only spend the rest of his life behind bars, but he should also be sent to the prison with the highest population of African-Americans, and there he should be raped in the shower on an hourly basis until his asshole no longer functions, leading to a very slow and painful death. The only problem with that is that he’d probably like it.

But anyway, back to the double standard that our society has set:

If you’re a disgusting 68-year-old man and you go to town on boys aged 8 to 12 years old, you’ll spend the rest of your life in prison. But if you’re an attractive 27-year-old former NFL cheerleader who has sex with a minor who also happens to be your student at the high school you’re teaching at, you’ll get five years probation, and if you don’t get in any trouble over that five-year period, the downgraded charge of sexual misconduct and custodial interference will be expunged from your record.

And in case you received your “education” from a Cincinnati-area public school, meaning you can only learn something when pictures are involved, this should pretty much sum it up:

These people go to jail:

Meanwhile, if you look like this, you’re free to go:

So, that’s it. If you’re a hot broad, you can sleep with your students and not go to jail for it. And if you’re Sarah Jones, after spending time cheering for the Cincinnati Bengals, you have to be stoked to finally be part of a team that won…

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