by Jeffrey Leinenkugel and Tommy Gimler
Here is a Detroit Lions fan with Downs wearing a pretty sweet shirt that reads Detroit Fucking Michigan:
That pretty much sums up the 2012 Lions season, doesn’t it? On one hand, you have a sick T-shirt (Calvin Johnson). On the other hand, you have a kid with fucking Downs (the rest of the Detroit Lions) wearing it.
Watching the Lions celebrate Calvin Johnson’s record-breaking performance should have made most Lions fans sick last night. Or maybe since the only thing worse in Detroit over the last ten years than the Lions is the city’s chlamydia epidemic, fans have gotten used to root for whatever they can get. Either way, post game interviews sure made it difficult to tell which team actually won the game last night. And you sure as shit wouldn’t have guessed that it was the seventh consecutive defeat for the Lions, that’s for damn sure.
So, what does one of NFL.com’s columnists, one whom they refer to as having “strong opinions on NFL teams, players, and the news they make,” think about the 2012 Detroit Lions?
“The 2011 Lions promised much, but their follow-up has been far from successful,” says Adam Schein.
Wow. Thanks for that in-depth analysis. A team that went to the postseason a year ago with only four wins this season is unsuccessful? Yeah, my fucking mother knows that. We’re really glad the NFL pays this cock eater so much to lay it all out on the line like that. Christ, what’s next? How long until Schein really goes “all in” by telling us:
With 8 wins, the Vikings surprised everyone…
Things haven’t gone the way Rae Carruth had hoped…
The Steelers are old…
Odds are Tony Romo isn’t gay…
Adrian Peterson is good…
The Miami Dolphins play their home games in Florida…
The Jets really stink…
Believe it or not, Peyton Manning has never played free safety…
Rex Ryan likes to lick feet…
Buffalo might be the least appealing team in the league and the one I always forget when making a list of teams…
Calvin Johnson is taller than Russell Wilson…
Fox Sports In-Game Report: It is hard to understand Joe Buck and Troy Aikman with Aaron Rodgers’ dick in their mouths…
The Browns will not make the playoffs this year…
All right, we’re done. The point here is pretty simple. People come here for jokes. We don’t write serious, in-depth stories on what went wrong for Mitt Romney or cover homosexual happenings like soccer matches. At the same time, people going to NFL.com deserve something better from guys like Adam Schein. They go there to get in-depth analysis for Sunday’s games, not for articles that could have been written by the kid wearing the Detroit Fucking Michigan shirt…
Believe it or not, Peyton Manning has never played free safety…
Solid gold.