Girls’ Basketball Team Loses 107-2


by Tommy Gimler

Is it me, or is it almost as trendy now for a high school girls’ basketball team to win by at least 100 points as it is for a coach at some level to rape a young boy?

In 2009, Micah Grimes was fired when the high school girls’ basketball team he coached beat another team by the score of 100-0. This time, Larry Winters is under fire after his girls from Bloomington South (Indianapolis, IN) destroyed the gals from Arlington (somewhere in Indianapolis with a weaker talent pool) by the score of 107-2.

Look, we’re not going to beat around the bush since most of these girls don’t have one yet. Here’s our take on the game:

1) In almost every athletic event, there is a winner and a loser. If you cannot handle the agony of defeat, no matter what the final score is, then maybe you should opt instead to spend your evenings in your bedroom, Skyping your two or three friends who, just like you, are going to grow up to be absolutely worthless, about what you would say to Justin Bieber or Zac Efron if they were to knock on your mom’s boyfriend’s apartment’s front door, even though they would never set foot in a government subsidized housing complex like his in the first place.

2) If that athletic event is girls’ basketball, everybody is a loser.

3) If you’re on a team that can only score 2 points in 32 minutes of play, then you suck at basketball. It’s time for you and the rest of your teammate broads who call themselves “athletes” to hang ‘em up and instead study the most effective forms of contraception and really concentrate on finishing some kind of degree at a higher level of education so the rest of your life isn’t such a failure.

Well then. What do you think about it?

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