Dwyane Wade Kicked Another Player In The Nards Last Night
by Tommy Gimler
You might not have seen Dwyane Wade intentionally kick Ramon Sessions in his luggage last night because ESPN was too busy running the breaking news story of third-string quarterback Tim Tebow defending his character. Luckily for you, when one professional athlete kicks another one in his giblets, it doesn’t get past The DUD.
Basically, the defending NBA champion Miami Heat were clinging to a four-point lead with eight and change left in the fourth quarter against the Charlotte Bobcats, a team mired in a 15-game losing streak because they’re the Charlotte Bobcats. Dwyane Wade was a little pissy not only because the Heat had blown a 17-point halftime lead against a team that is worse than a live performance from the band Everclear but also because he is a prima donna little bitch of a player. That’s when this happened:
Look, I’ve never played in the NBA. The closest I got to the big time was taking a piss next to Del Harris at the Bradley Center back when he was the head coach of the Milwaukee Bucks. But I’m pretty sure that there are unwritten rules in the game of basketball, and kicking another player in his satchel has to pretty high on that list.
And the fact that ESPN didn’t show this somewhere between their Tebow report and the dog shit they refer to as “analysis” from Mark Schlereth should pretty much tell you what they’re all about. And the fact that the NBA hasn’t fined or suspended Wade for what was obviously an intentional kick to Sessions’ giggle berries is almost as telling.
But perhaps the biggest takeaway from this beanbag-kicking incident should be just how big of a pile of pig shit Dwyane Wade has become.
You might recall his “prissy little bitch” routine after his Taylor Swift-terrible Game 3 performance against the Pacers in last season’s Eastern Conference Semifinals, one that included unwarranted shouting matches with both the officials and his coach as well as blaming his five-point, five-turnover performance on injuries that suddenly disappeared the next game.
Then there was his “prissy little bitch’ tweet last month complaining about sitting in hours of traffic to get to Madison Square Garden for a basketball game. Meanwhile, thousands of East Coast residents were rummaging through what used to be their houses in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.
And then last night, Wade intentionally kicks another player in his yogurt factory because he wasn’t in the mood to be fouled. It’s a rather disturbing trend for the two-time NBA champion, really. One that is almost as disturbing as the spelling of his first name…