Dear Coach: We’re Going To Fire The Coach

donald hill-eley

by Tommy Gimler

You’ve probably never heard of Donald Hill-Eley because he is the head football coach at Morgan State University. You’ve probably never heard of Morgan State University because your high school guidance counselor didn’t recommend applying to historically black colleges.

But both Morgan State and Hill-Eley became national headlines yesterday when Morgan State’s athletic director Floyd Kerr accidentally forwarded Hill-Eley an email outlining the school’s plans to find his replacement.

To discuss whether or not Hill-Eley should be replaced or how he runs his program at Morgan State would be the equivalent to Nicki Minaj discussing the fiscal cliff: irresponsible. But according to other online media outlets, Hill-Eley is credited with turning Morgan State’s football program around and almost making it relevant. You can only imagine how much of a dog shit program it was before Hill-Eley got there when his career record of 54-69 at the school is drawing praises from the media.

But what we can discuss is how in the hell someone capable of such a mistake like accidentally emailing the coach you plan on firing an outline of how you’re going to do it as well as how the school will reassign him to another position within the school, for example, rose to the position of athletic director (albeit at Morgan State)? Wouldn’t something as sensitive as that require a double check or triple check (much like anytime you think you see a pimple within a one-inch radius of your crotch) of the recipients of this email?

This isn’t accidentally saying “I love you” to a buddy on the phone after you just spent 90 minutes on it with your girlfriend prior to that. This isn’t accidentally buying the Fat Free Dean’s French Onion Dip when you meant to grab the good shit either. This is the equivalent of taking out your boss’s daughter to Applebee’s, and when she goes to the shitter to powder her nose, you send a text to Vinny, the guy who sits in the cube next to yours, and you tell him that you had the sirloin for the main course and you hope to eat her asshole for dessert in the backseat of your Hyundai Sonata within the next 45 minutes. Well, except you text that to her instead.

Your boss would no longer be your boss the next day because your belongings would be waiting for you outside the front door of his company. And that is exactly what should happen to Morgan State athletic director Floyd Kerr. If he’s that careless with something as important as this, then it should pretty much sum up why Morgan State athletics continue to be irrelevant…

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