Benson Henderson Loves Jesus Christ And Toothpicks

Published by mikeymike on December 11th, 2012

by Michael Slebodnik

There were some great fights Saturday night for the UFC on Fox, with a fight card I would normally expect to shell out PPV money for. That being said – there were only 2 moments that had me standing up and yelling at the TV like my Italian grandmother watching OJ’s acquittal.

They both happened after the main event (Benson Henderson vs. Nate Diaz) and one was within seconds of the other.

To give you a little background, I’m a Nate Diaz fan. I love that he is the bad guy. In a (fight) world where everyone is so humble, listening to Nate Diaz talk shit is like the first time I had a bad mushroom trip. It’s uncomfortable, confusing and generally pretty scary. I love that if he met me, he’d probably tell me to go fuck myself then fake like he was going to hit me, just to see if he could get me to shit myself a second time in my adult life.

At this point you’ve probably figured out that I wasn’t cheering for Ben Henderson, but he sure handled Diaz. Powerful, Benson Henderson. Need a creative way to setup a knockdown? Punch the other guys knee 5 times to set up the hook. Sound like complete fuckery? Well that’s exactly what Benson Henderson did. And I’ll be God-damned if you can come up with a better, more dangerous strategy that was executed more flawlessly.

So Benson comes out with a unanimous decision (kudos) and that leads us to the post-fight interview. Rogan must have felt like he was on a bad mushroom trip himself when he got a response to the seemingly docile question, “…did anything surprise you about Nate Diaz?”

At this point Benson turns into an Evangelical pastor, “…I can do all things, through CHRIST! … Can I get a AMEN!?…” So rife with passion for the Lord, it probably made Ted Haggerty forget he’s gay for just a few seconds.

(Cue First Stand Up: Yell something about taking responsibility for personal achievement.)

So we’ve established that Benson is a close personal friend of JC, which is fine, even though it pains me when people pull that Power of Christ that compels me bullshit rhetoric.

Rogan’s second question: “Did you pull a toothpick out of your mouth in the final fight and do you have it in your mouth right now?”

Amazing question. Yes, he did have a toothpick in his mouth. He had it in both during the fight and during the interview as Joe Rogan asked him the question.

But what did bible-thumping, 9th commandment following, Benson Henderson respond to the astute Mr. Rogan’s inquiry?

“Nooo. Heck no. That’s too dangerous man you can’t do that… That’s too dangerous.”

(Cue Second Stand Up: Start laughing your fucking ass off.  Laugh harder when Rogan refuses to back down and continues to press him. Think: drunk 14-year-old insists to you he’s not drunk.)

So, Benson’s raving display of his own relationship with Jesus Christ was, immediately, followed up by him telling a lie to Joe Rogan and the other 3.41 million viewers around the world.

Thank you, Lord, for your wonderful sense of irony…

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