Please Put A Foot In Your Mouth

rex ryan

by Tommy Gimler

Is anybody else on board with this? Can we please just exile Rex Ryan to an island shaped like a foot for the rest of his life? I guess Italy looks like a fuck-me boot, and that would be far enough away for me.

The New York Jets head coach is at it again, opening his pie hole to state the exact opposite of what everybody else knows to be true, saying that his team will make the playoffs this year. Keep in mind, this is just three days after he told the mainstream media that the Jets weren’t sniffing the playoffs.

His change of heart comes after cornerback Antonio Cromartie told the NFL Network that even though the team was 3-5, they would make the playoffs this year.

The DUD Breakdown

1) We’ll start with Cromartie. Here’s a guy who is expecting kids #11 and #12 with his 8th different baby mama. When a guy like that, who hasn’t learned the success rate of pulling out or dropping three bucks on a Magnum, says something, I’ll bet on the exact opposite. If he tells me that Baltimore is a great city to raise his litter, I’m raising my children in Seattle.

2) Rex Ryan is still fat, and he’s still full of shit. The whole “I guarantee we’re going to win” show was cute when it first started, but it’s been overused and beaten down too many times, much like Tila Tequila’s hole(s). The fact of the matter is that Ryan’s defense is a far cry from what it was during their two runs to the AFC Championship Game. This year’s Jets D ranks 29th against the run and 24th in points allowed.

3) Mark Sanchez is terrible. He ranks 30th in the league with his 72.8 QB rating and has as many interceptions as Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III combined.

4) The guys attempting to catch Sanchez’s passes might be even worse. Can you name the one Jets receiver who ranks in the top 100 for receptions (without using the internet to cheat)? Seriously, who the fuck is Jeremy Kerley? Look, when Jeremy Kerley leads your team in receptions, I’m going to bet my left nut that you’re one of the worst teams in the league. The Jets passing game is so bad that Danny Amendola, wide receiver for St. Louis, has more receptions than Kerley, and he hasn’t played since October 4th. Other guys that have more receptions than the Jets’ #1 guy include Ronnie Brown, Davone Bess, Brandon Myers, Andre Roberts, and Dennis Pitta. The next closest players on the Jets’ active roster to Kerley are Dustin Keller and Chaz Schilens, who come in at 141st with 16 catches each.

Conclusion

The Jets blow. They’re not going to the playoffs this year, and unless GM Mike Tannenbaum finds a way put a talented player at the quarterback position in the offseason as well as fill the other major holes on offense, the Jets defense is no longer good enough to cover for them. I’d also appreciate it if Rex Ryan stops treating NFL fans like we’re his players. They might be stupid enough to believe that they have a shot to play deep into January, but I actually finished college and earned my degree, and I know better…

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