Jerry Jones and His Fake Face Are Killing The Cowboys

jerry jones

by Tommy Gimler

Since the 1997 regular season started, Dallas Cowboys owner/GM/turd Jerry Jones has just one more playoff victory than my grandma, and she’s been dead since 2005.

And for as much as I loathe Bob Costas, his interview with Jones before last night’s game against the Falcons might have just brought that runt back into my circle of trust. Costas asked him if Jerry Jones the owner would have fired Jerry Jones the GM by now, to which Jones replied, “I think so.” Well, if that doesn’t have Cowboys fans’ panties in a bunch, I don’t know what will.

So then what’s stopping the egomaniac from stepping aside and letting somebody who is actually knowledgeable in the sport from making the necessary moves to put this team back on top? Jones was fast to point out after the game that the Cowboys have won three Super Bowls with him, but educated football fans know that was more of Jimmy Johnson’s doing. And since that dynasty began to break apart in 1997, the Cowboys have a losing record in regular season games (123-125).

A losing record over 15 1/2 seasons, and he still has a job? Wade Phillips was 34-22 when Jones canned him. Bill Parcells was 34-30 in the regular season, and Jerry Jones didn’t want him back. And across the league, other GM’s have had better regular season records than Jones, yet their owners have shown them the door. The list, much like John Goodman, is huge. Here are some of them:

Marty Hurney, Carolina Panthers (2002-2012): 79-79

Jerry Angelo, Chicago Bears (2001-2011): 95-81

Bill Polian/Chris Polian, Indianapolis Colts (1998-2011): 143-81

Mike Sherman, Green Bay Packers (2001-2004): 44-20

Floyd Reese, Tennessee Titans (1994-2006): 106-102

As we have mentioned in previous posts, the problem with Jones is that he cannot properly evaluate talent. At the NFL Draft, he’s like a kid at Christmas who passes on the boring little box under the tree, even though it probably contains a quality motion picture on Blu-ray. Instead, he goes for the huge box wrapped with shiny paper and a big red bow, not knowing exactly what he’s going to find. It could wind up being an Xbox along with a state-of-the-art surround sound system, or it could be Great Grandpa Bill’s shitty tools from the turn of the century. And in the case of Jerry Jones, his draft picks usually wind up being the shitty tools.

Here’s an excerpt from our preview of the Cowboys’ 2012 season in reference to guys like Dez Bryant and Morris Claiborne. I would say that we hit it right on the head:

Take a look at teams who are relevant year in and year out like New England, Green Bay, and Pittsburgh. They have created a system whose parts are built through the draft and a little here and there through free agency. Jerry Jones is the guy who brings in big name wide receivers with big league baggage. When another team releases a player because of a DUI, rape, or DUI and rape, you know that the Cowboys are on the short list (along with the Bengals) as possible suitors. Jones also seems to get duped by Mel Kiper and Todd McShay every single year, drafting the flashy guy with loads of talent but the mental capability of Gilbert Grape.

Look, every fan of film knows that any movie directed by Kevin Costner that also stars Kevin Costner is going to bomb at the box office. Likewise, until Jerry Jones removes himself from the general manager post, the Cowboys are not going to be a relevant team in the NFL…

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