After The Games Were Played…


by Tommy Gimler

We might have learned more about teams, players, and owners yesterday after the games were/weren’t decided on the field. You’ll be asking yourself how in the hell somebody could be that stupid, but believe it or not, these things actually happened after yesterday’s games:

A New Orleans Saints player actually had the stones to call another team “classless.”

Saints linebacker Scott Shanle told Yahoo! Sports after the game that several Atlanta players were “talking shit to our guy Curtis Lofton.” This prompted Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma to tattle on them to Atlanta coach Mike Smith, where Vilma referred to them as “classless.”

The DUD Breakdown

The New Orleans Saints are still three to four years away from being able to refer to any team, player, owner, or any convicted felon outside of the game of football for that matter as classless. Jonathan Vilma was one of the ring leaders for a defense that placed bounties on opposing teams’ quarterbacks and star players, and now he has a problem with somebody else’s ethics? That would be like Ted Bundy calling Jeffrey Dahmer classless because he snacked on his victims after he raped and murdered them.

In a locker room full of naked Cowboys players, Jerry Jones wasn’t the only ass on your TV screen.

Apparently, Dallas Cowboys owner/GM/turd Jerry Jones loves to give his post game from the Cowboys’ locker room. And just like every YMCA in this country, when that happens, you’re bound to see some naked dudes, and that’s exactly what viewers saw after yesterday’s 38-23 victory over a shitty Eagles team. Click the link below to watch the video on Deadspin:

The DUD Breakdown

I had to watch it a couple of times, but not because I’m a homosexual. I dig broads. But it took me a while to determine who was the bigger ass on the screen. And that obviously wasn’t Tony Romo walking around bare-assed behind Jones, but I’m sure the media is working on somehow making this his fault as well.

Some NFL players still don’t know that games can end in a tie, even the white guys.

The San Francisco 49ers embarrassed themselves yesterday when they tied the visiting St. Louis Rams. Following the game, Rams wide receiver Danny Amendola told Peter King that he thought there was going to be a second overtime. 49ers safety Dashon Golden said, “When I saw both sides walking onto the field, I was like, ‘Where’s everybody going?’”

The DUD Breakdown

Are you fucking kidding me? This is the equivalent of me having a 7pm deadline to get the new business proposal on my boss’s desk. And then when 7pm hits, I don’t have it done, so I send an email to him letting him know that it will be on his desk first thing in the morning. And then when I get into the office the following morning, I see my colleagues clearing out my desk and taking those things back to their cubicles because I’ve been fired, and I ask, “Where’s everybody going?”

49ers QB Alex Smith threw his touchdown pass while experiencing blurred vision.

49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh said today that Alex Smith threw a touchdown pass to Michael Crabtree while experiencing blurred vision that was result from the hit he took a few plays earlier on a scramble.

The DUD Breakdown

If you’re telling me that Alex Smith threw a touchdown pass with blurred vision, I’ll tell you that the only way Alex Smith can throw a touchdown pass is when he has blurred vision. He’s fucking terrible. It’s not hard to complete 18 of 19 passes when you’re throwing each one two yards beyond the line of scrimmage. Odds are with his blurred vision, he saw five or six Michael Crabtrees, he was aiming at one of them that was just an apparition, and he threw the pigskin so far behind that apparition that it landed right into the real Crabtree’s hands.

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