50 Bucks The Smails Kid Picks His Nose
by Tommy Gimler
Twenty bucks says you have no idea who these eight guys are.
Believe it or not, these eight guys aren’t part of George Clinton’s band Parliament Funkadelic. They’re not the guys who beat the piss out of Reginald Denny during the L.A. Riots twenty years ago either. Instead, they’re eight of the nine men charged on multiple counts stemming from betting on pee wee football games in the Miami area. That’s right. Not illegal betting on Dolphins or Hurricanes games, but games featuring kids as young as five years old.
Even more unbelievable is that most of them at one time or another served as a coach in the South Florida Youth Football League, meaning that conversations like this one probably took place:
Coach: Darnell, I need you to get back in there.
Darnell: But coach, my leg hurts. I think it might be broken or something. And we’re up by 28 points with only four minutes left, anyway.
Coach: Listen, Darnell. Who else am I going to send out there, Deion? Have you seen him throw the ball? The only reason he’s there is cuz his fine ass mom.
Darnell: I don’t know, coach. It won’t stop bleeding.
Coach: Look, all we need is 4 1/2 more points. Then you’re done. And if you score, I’ll take you to the clinic myself afterward. 81 fly on two, here we go.
And wait, there’s more:
Fun Fact #1
Six of the nine men arrested had a prior police record, including felonies related to drugs, assault, and theft. One of those turds, Brandon Bivins, was not only an eight-time convicted felon but also a coach. That means parents were letting their children spend time with and gain knowledge from a man convicted of cocaine possession, aggravated armed assault, and grand theft among other things.
The DUD’s Take
Hey, who better to teach kids how to run with the football than guys who have made a living running from police? And I guess we found out where Lawrence Phillips learned how to play the game…
Fun Fact #2
In some instances, the two head coaches were the ones setting the lines and taking the action. They would then wave the wad of cash in front of their players to show how much was at stake out there.
The DUD’s Take
Hey, money talks. But apparently the same motivation isn’t being used in the Miami-Dade public school system where only 3 of the 43 high schools made the Top 100 list of Florida’s best high schools. How bad is that? We’re not talking about America’s schools but just Florida’s…
Fun Fact #3
ESPN’s investigative reporting effort known as Outside The Lines was responsible for alerting the local authorities of the widespread gambling problem surrounding youth football leagues in Florida. You can read the article and watch the video here: http://espn.go.com/espn/otl/story/_/id/8568724/nine-south-florida-youth-football-coaches-face-gambling-charges
The DUD’s Take
When did tattling on somebody become OK? Am I the only one who was raised on the premise that nobody likes a tattletale? Furthermore, while gambling on youth sports is one thing, shouldn’t the real story here be how in the hell these convicted felons were put in a position of influence with these children? Seriously, the four-letter’s article barely touches on the biggest part of this problem. I mean, what does a background check cost these days, $17.95?
Finally, The DUD would like to remind everybody that gambling on America’s youth sports is wrong. However, laying down some action on something like this is highly encouraged: