The NBA is Easy Money This Year

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by Barry Murphy

Anyone who knows my degenerate ass knows I LOVE over-unders. And sure, I went 1-4 in my MLB picks… thanks R.A. Dickey, Allen Craig, and anyone else who made me sell my vintage Rex Grossman bobble head to pay for this season’s losses… but guess what, son, it’s NBA time and this junkie is ready for another beating.

 

Let’s start with two of the biggest locks of all time (such a great word):

 

The New Orleans Hornets, 27.5

 

OVER.  That’s right, OVER!!!!

 

Stop laughing.  Hey, they won 21 last year.

 

Here’s why this over is too good to be true.  Anthony Davis is for real (+130 to win ROY by the way).  This summer’s Olympic experience was huge… and he’s been playing like a vet ever since.  A healthy contract-inspired Eric Gordon (again, this team won 21 last year and Gordon was out for most of the year). Ryan Anderson.  He averaged 16 a game last year in Orlando, and shot 39% from the arc.  Also, Grievous Vasquez was a legit point guard last year, with bums all around him. The biggest stat is 27.5… OVER.

 

The Sacramento Kings, 30.5

 

UNDER.  Awful bunch of pick up players assembled into a group of hoods (And Jimmer) who wear the same colored jerseys. As my boy Bill Simmons said, this team may the first in NBA history to start a fight with their own teammates this year.  New addition Aaron Brooks is more of a ballhog then A.I.  Demarcus Cousins is one missed prozac away from powerbombing an official.  Bad, bad team.  UNDER.

 

Others I feel strong about:

 

The Chicago Bulls, 46.5.

 

I tried… I really did.  I searched for reason to believe Carlos Boozer could lead this team to 47 wins, and I just couldn’t find it. With last year’s team, I think they could of won 47 without Rose… but this year’s bench is filled with bums like Nate Robinson, Nazr Mohammed and Vladdy Radmonavic.  On the bright side, if they can tease .500… and Rose can make it back, they can make it to the Eastern Conference Finals.  But for gambling purposes, it’s an UNDER.

 

The LA Lakers, 57.5.

 

UNDER.  They’re built for the playoffs, not an 82-game season.  Their starters are rolling, but that bench is abysmal.  Antwan Jamison looks like Antwan Carr… and why is Chris Duhon still in the NBA?  Losing Barnes was big, too.  Plus, does anyone really believe Kobe will share the ball?  C’mon man.  He’s got a scoring record in his sights… and he’s flippin’ Kobe Bryant. Sorry, UNDER.

 

Fun ones to consider:

 

Minnesota UNDER 39.  Kevin Love’s injury is arguably as costly as the DRose injury.

 

Jazz OVER 43.  I actually love this one, but no one wants to read about that team.  Watch Mo Williams thrive with that team.

 

Denver OVER 51.5.  ATL OVER 43. Toronto OVER 34.5.

 

If anyone wants to make me a wager on any of these picks, send me an email and I’ll talk shit to you all year (if I’m winning the bet).

What do you think, degenerates? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

One Response to The NBA is Easy Money This Year

  1. Dexter Sookra says:

    This is why I don’t like reading theories on why or why not to make a bet. Because they usually make sense and seem logical. I agree with everything here except some of the things said about the Lakers. Not that they won’t go under, just about the loss of Matt Barnes. He is an abortion and good riddance. I also think Kobe will share. In the beginning anyway. If things aren’t going well then all bets are off. Solid article.

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